I found out that my SIL is the "other woman" in an adulteress relationship-with a man 2 1/2 decades older and with 2 kids... and she periodically babysits for them! My husb. and I are separated (b/c he is emotionally abusive) and she is visiting for the summer, and I don't otherwise have a huge problem with his sis. But, this really bothers me. He was in our town for a few days and I discovered they were trying to find a way to meet and get a hotel, etc. Husb. found out and chewed her out, and his dad called the guy and pretty much threatened his life if he had any more contact with my SIL (not condoning this reaction-they had every right to feel/act that way... but very on a whim, not thought through AT ALL). My husb. refuses to even discuss the situation any more, claiming he doesn't know whether she is continuing to contact this guy or not. I have no way to know if she might be carrying on the relationship (I know she at least WANTS to... pathetic!!!... and she claims to be a Christian!), and I personally do not feel comfortable exposing my 3 year old to someone who is involved in such an immoral, hypocritical, unhealthy, and potentially dangerous relationship. I'm not saying her "sin" or issue is worse than anything else, and the debate isn't "Well you let your son be around people who gossip/are homosexuals/living together unmarried (yet have been together for years and consider themselves married, minus the ceremony/paperwork)/imperfect people in general.
I basically want to confront her (she doesn't know I know), and sit down with a bible and tell her exactly what beliefs she is violating, and I do love her, and she can be forgiven, but I can't continue to let her see my son (her nephew) unless she can prove to me that she isn't participating in such a relationship. If she refuses to provide proof (phone records?) then obviously her priorities are out of wack, she is hiding something(s), and doesn't deserve the trust that accompanies the privilege of seeing her nephew. (I have a feeling that my husb, who my son HAS NOT been living with or the last 6 months, will NOT be willing to back me up on this, if that matters. Not that his opinion matters to me b/c obviously he has poor judgement (duh, abuse!), but its the emotional exhaustion and hassle that's just plain stressful, though I am willing to deal with it.)
What do you think? What would you do? Have you "been here"?
Asked by Anonymous at 11:48 PM on Jun. 18, 2011 in Relationships
Answer by dullscissors at 11:55 PM on Jun. 18, 2011
Answer by Anonymous at 11:55 PM on Jun. 18, 2011
Answer by vntNyll at 11:56 PM on Jun. 18, 2011
Answer by Octobersmom at 12:00 AM on Jun. 19, 2011
If I was in your place I would let her watch my kids. Her having an affair shows she has bad judgement in her personal life, but has no connectionto how well she can take care of kids. If I kept every person who had at one time or another had a affair away from my kids, half their family would be gone. The most i would do is tell her that I dont want her to talk about her affair, her boyfriend or anything connected to that around me or my kids.
Answer by happy-go-lucky at 12:01 AM on Jun. 19, 2011
Answer by NotPanicking at 12:03 AM on Jun. 19, 2011
Answer by judimary at 12:04 AM on Jun. 19, 2011
Answer by ljmommy1211 at 12:06 AM on Jun. 19, 2011
Answer by admckenzie at 12:08 AM on Jun. 19, 2011