Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

My 4 year old is MEAN ALL THE TIME and it’s totally MY fault please help!

I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder about 6 months ago and a lot of things have been changing since I was diagnosed. I realized why I had been so moody. Why I was constantly snapping at everyone in the family. The problem is that before I was medicated I don’t think I realized or even cared about dd’s behavior. Now that I am getting help and am more emotionally stable I am realizing that my daughter can’t act the way she does. She backtalk’s all the time she calls me stupid, and tells me she hates me and that she only loves daddy, she screams and throws HUGE tantrums all the time she doesn’t listen to anyone. It has been causing problems now between me and dh because I am a SAHM and he works and when he gets home it’s just constant battles with her and I am just losing my mind. I need advice. As of right now I have all but 2 toys of hers in bags put away because she wouldn’t clean her room so she lost everything and has to earn things back but she doesn’t seem to care. I feel like she is in time out all day every day. DH has a major problem with spanking so we don’t do that. I need help. This is MY fault and I just don’t know how to fix it.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:36 AM on Jun. 19, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • "I can only escape a bad past, by adding something better to my future". Keep loving her and talk to her about things. Apologize and keep moving forward. Maybe watch some episodes of "The Nanny" for ideas of working with her at this point. Good Luck.. :-)

    Answer by LeJane at 1:48 AM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • She's only 4.. that's the good news. Things are not impossible to fix. (Remember that old saying, "there's a new sheriff in town"?... Well, that's YOUR new motto. Sit her down, explain the new rules to her. Let her no there is no more acceptance of her behavior. Let her know what the new rules are and from there on out, stick to them. Consistency is your new best friend!!! Remember, be tough, be firm. Don't let your guard down and you will get through this.

    Answer by m-avi at 1:49 AM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • Like Mia Angilo (sp?) says WHEN YOU KNOW BETTER, YOU DO BETTER! You know better now so you will do better. Love her through those tantrums but still be setting limits for her so she doesn't get by with acting badly. Like the other posters said she's only 4 so that's a plus.

    Answer by cat4458 at 2:04 AM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • Maybe look into a parenting class now that you are feeling better. You need to set rules. When she throws a fit... Let her unles she is hurting her self or anyone else. Look the other way. Dont say a word and act clam..If she sees you start to twist she will keep doing it!!!

    when she is screaming i dont love you... It is a way for your child to get Revenge!! It makes you want to yell back ect... and if you give in your child is just going to keep trying and misbehave even more... just walk away when she settles down...Ask to speak to her and keep it simple you really hurt mommy when you said you didnt love me because ( say name) I love you very much!!! You need to build trust and respect. When you use her name she knows you are talking to her and only her. You may also need to tell her you love her more!!

    ask her to clean her room do not help her at first let put her toys away and than is she doesnt than take them

    Answer by ljmommy1211 at 2:18 AM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • It is all about power at this moment!! Explain to her that it is okay when she has bad days but she needs to try to be nicer to people. Start a jar with rocks or stickers and let her pick out the stickers. If she has a good day with listening give her a sticker. Start with two nice days.... And than her to get ice cream... Than go to 4...let her pick a prize!!! than 6! and so on..... If she has a bad moment take one away... Letting her say those things are going to start ripping your family apart which in that case your daughter will win. I have a parenting book. I took the class. I am also thinking about going again. You learn a lot. Also maybe a anger management!!! There is a lot that can help!! You can add me as a friend And I will talk to you any time. Have a good Support system. Someone once told to to have a friend I can count on to talk to Weather it is thru e-mail or phone or whatever because if they are not there

    Answer by ljmommy1211 at 2:25 AM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • all the time they can not place feeling. Good luck!! sorry so long!!!

    Answer by ljmommy1211 at 2:26 AM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • Oh come on... do you know how you sound? This child is only 4 years old. There is no way in hell you should allow yourself to think this kid is bad.

    Answer by ambr2006 at 1:34 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • you know, I don't think blaming yourself because you had a mental illness you weren't aware of is productive. You have a DH who did not see that you were sick and did not see that she was losing control. Have you talked to her about your bipolar or is she just out of control to the point she can't carry on a conversation with you? Your DH should be coming down on her to respect you. Seriously. If a man is in a child's life... especially a son.... their main job is to make sure mom is treated with respect. If you need help on how to explain your illness (and subsequent lack of awareness) then PM me. But your husband should be stepping in at this point and saying things like "you will not talk to My WIFE like that" sometimes that's more powerful than "your mom"

    Answer by hollydaze1974 at 12:12 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.