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How to cope with a mentally unstable husband?

We've had good and bad times but lately (like the past 3 years) it seems like it's more bad times than good. I suspect he may be bipolar (as his mom also thinks) and he admits he is depressed. He's been going to see both a psychologist and psychiatrist, is trying out different medications but I'm not sure if it's doing any good. He's so resistant. Any little progress made is erased when he regresses to how he was before (stubborn, antisocial, suicidal, irritable, violent). He has attempted suicide several times before when I tried to leave him. Not just threats but actual attempts. I feel stuck being with someone who wants only what he wants and at the same time doesn't seem to know what he wants. I am so tired with arguing and dealing with the police. He keeps either guilting me to stay or turns against me and tries to prove he wasn't violent and that I was. Not to mention he cheated on me before and still refers to it as "technically not cheating." I keep asking him why he wants me to stay if he doesn't act like he cares, doesn't want to spend time with me or do anything for me. Most of our communication turns into fights since he tries to twist facts around. He even minces words with the counselor, even when it's a written agreement. I don't know what to do. There are too many other issues to even mention here. It's not so simple to leave but exactly how do I leave so that he doesn't end up killing himself? We've been together 6 years. I am heartbroken and confused.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:05 AM on Jun. 19, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Have you tried 302 ing him? 302 means u sign him into a mental instution against his will. You would be saying he is uncable of making the choice himself. He may be mad at u at first, and may be in the hospital a while, but if it works it would be worth it. If that doesnt work, and u still want to leave him, then I would have him put on a sucide watch when u do leave. Someone to be there with him at all times and keep an eye on im, or even they can 302 him. U mentioned his mother, she might be the right one for the job. Im sorry your going thru this. but dont forget that u matter too, and if things are getting unsafe and/or u cant handle it anymore, then u have to come first and get out. I hope I helped.
    beckymom18

    Answer by beckymom18 at 2:14 AM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • Try reading what you can do like in the book Stop Walking on Eggshells. See if that helps
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:36 AM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • He begged me once before not to recommend him to be committed but now I feel like I have no choice. His mom is on another coast and she doesn't seem to want to be that involved even with her own son. She sends him emails, calls and sends him self-help books but that's about it. She won't have him committed. I was going to ask through the courts to have him committed but will also look into the 302 thing. Never knew about that before and not sure if this state has it. Thank you very much for your advice and support.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:22 AM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • Don't have much advice except in the abuse department. And he is abusive, it will never be possible to leave or stay without someone getting hurt. You have to make that decision based on what is best for your children, who currently have no voice or ability to make that choice. I know it is hard, but if it were me, I would leave and take responsibility for my actions and not his. You are in a way enabling him and he is using this to manipulate you. I am not trying to be harsh to you, but even people with mental disorders (and often abusers have mental disorders) are capable and coherent enough to realize that when they act a certain way they get what they want. There is no easy way out and you have my wishes for blessings on whatever path you choose.
    NightOwlMama

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 2:33 AM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • all good comments to consider. thanks.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:38 AM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • Just to be clear... I really am not judging you in any way. I think it takes a lot to keep going in your situation and I admire that. I do not envy the choice you have to make though...
    NightOwlMama

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 3:51 AM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • Counseling for yourself to learn how to deal with his mental illness. Also, it takes 3 people to have someone involuntarily committed. The only other way is to call the police when he threatens suicide or flips out and let them Chapter him. Police have the authority to committ someone for 72 hours. You CAN leave, he is using suicide as a way to control you and even with a mental illness that is wrong. Good luck!!
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:25 AM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • Sorry to say I am very familiar with your situation. My ex husband and I were together 8 years, married almost 4. It makes it easier to leave when you have children. If he has attempted suicide, then he will eventually hurt you. If he has hurt you, he will eventually hurt your children. It is no easy task, and it took him beating me up for me to leave. He will guilt you into feeling like its all your fault, thinking he can change, that he doesn't need medication. If hes anything like my ex, he is probably very persuasive and charming, and will make you feel like you are always wrong. I hate for it to come to it, but if you dont want to just leave, then you need to give an ultimatum. Or leave and see if he changes himself. Good luck!
    SecondChances85

    Answer by SecondChances85 at 1:03 PM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • I looked into that Borderline Personality book and found the site for the book which now leads me to believe he might have a the borderline personality disorder more than being bipolar. The symptoms were spot on for the most part. I am going to see if I can meet with his psychologist/psychiatrist to have him officially diagnosed and committed. It's hard to leave when you feel like if something happens to him, you could have prevented it and it's also hard to leave when they're not all bad... but then again who nowadays is all good or all bad? None of his friends know of his mental issues because he purposefully tries to hide it and I just feel like if I leave him then he would really not have anyone who knows whats going on.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:45 PM on Jun. 19, 2011