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Advice~vent~ Former In-laws adult content

My former in-laws and I have always gotten along. They asked to get DD for a whole week after July 4, they do this every summer, but generally later. I had already scheduled vacation that week, because daycare is closed. I switched things around so they could get her, but I asked them to ask their son if I could have her for the holiday(it's my normal weekend, but he would get her for most of it because of the holiday). I had talked with him previously and he didn't really even seem to want her. We don't get along well, which is why I asked his parents to ask him. They didn't, but still wanted to know if they could have her. I told them I had to talk to him first. So, I did and we agreed. Then I got a nasty email from his parents telling me they were getting her cause they know I already talked to him. They even told me where I would have to drive for them to get her. This really pissed me off. I didn't respond, since the email said they'd contact me when they had the time. I always go out of my way so they can see DD, this is the first time I ever asked anything of them. I'm taking time off work to spend with my DD (I just recently have gotten enough vacation to do this, and was planning since March), now I have to take time off to drive 2 hours at whatever time the want??? Seriously??? I don't know why I've got to waste a vacation day to do whatever they want, they are retired and BF hasn't worked in 2 years! So now they email asking if I got the email? I'm still pissed about them telling me what I'm going to do. My rebellious spirit wants to tell them FU, she's my DD and grandparents won't be telling me what to do. I really don't want them to disrespect me like her BF does, I'm so sick of feeling like a freaking door mat!

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camiam81

Asked by camiam81 at 8:33 AM on Jun. 19, 2011 in Relationships

Level 15 (1,979 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • This is a really serious case.Just trust God and pray you know some people can be very difficult.
    Jeelly

    Answer by Jeelly at 8:52 AM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • Well, me being me, I'd respond back to the e-mail where they are asking if you got the previous e-mail by saying something like "Yes, I got it. I haven't responded because I've been spending this time talking myself out of believing you had a rude tone because I know you wouldn't do something like that knowing how much I put myself out there so that you can have contact with your grandchild. Plus you said you would contact me when you had the time."

    Yep, that's what I would do.
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 8:58 AM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • Grandparents do not have any rights to the children. And your custody order stands above all else. I think you have gone over the limit by rescheduling everything for them. I would tell them that the visit will go the way you decide it will go or there will not be a visit at all, since legally they have nothing to stand on.
    attap5

    Answer by attap5 at 9:38 AM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • Sometimes the written word conveys different meanings than intended. Perhaps you should be having these discussions over the phone and not just in email. Maybe all parties would get a better understanding then.
    momofkids

    Answer by momofkids at 9:41 AM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • You are nicer than I am is all I can say. They should appreciate anytime with her. If my inlaws want to see MY kids its on dads time. I dont even talk to them.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 9:41 AM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • I'd send a email (in a nice way) saying that you got there email and everything will work except for you going to meet them. Let them know that because of work you just won't be able to make it. Then you can give them 2 choices  


    1. They can come all the way to pick her up on the day that they planned.  (2 is just a bluff but you have to do it to make them feel like they are making the choice) 2. They can wait till you have the day off (which will inconvience their vacation) and then you can meet them where they planned.


     You can do this in a nice way giving them the choice and that way you've accommodated them all you can. Hopefully this works and they come to get her. It sucks to be this way but when you're dealing with completely unreasonable people you just have to manipilate the situation so that it works best for you!!  Good luck!!!

    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 10:17 AM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • Personally, I wouldn't take vacation just to drive 2 hours for them. They can do it, obviously, since they are retired. If they don't want to put any effort into getting your DD, they don't need to get her. That's my personal opinion. I think you've already gone above and beyond, WAY more than I would have. Also, I would let them know if they are going to be nasty to you, you do not have to allow them to see your DD at all. That's toxic for both your DD and her relationship with them anyway.
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 10:57 AM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • If my inlaws tried to pull that I would tell them sorry, but I tried to work with you and you mucked things up so now you are just SOL. If they want to be stupid about it they can suffer. Why should you put up with that?
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 12:50 PM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • ill pray things get better
    sassy21176

    Answer by sassy21176 at 2:59 PM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • You don't have to do anything. Explain that if they want her to visit them they will have to make the trip as you have to work. If that doesn't suit them then they'll have to forgo seeing her. If you don't have a custody order in place for them then you don't HAVE to do anything. Not trying to be a troublemaker, but if they can't be respectful to you then I wouldn't go out of my way for them. Especially since you rearranged your vacation plans for them!! This sooo sounds like something my MIL would try lol, this doesn't even involve me and I'm irritated.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 4:38 PM on Jun. 19, 2011

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