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How do I make kids mind me when husband will not back me up?

My husband is constantly belittling or ignoring my effort to discipline my kids. I am afraid of what the kids are taking in from him. One of mine worships the ground he walks on and is already picking up bad habits. Every once in a while, my husband actually does do the right thing, but it's sporadic. What are some things I can do to help this situation? There is a lot more to this, but I don't have enough space to write about everything. This is basically an overview of the problem. Any advice would be appreciated!

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Asked by sem71205 at 2:11 PM on Jun. 19, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 2 (11 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • That's a hard one, especially if he's not making the kids follow through on the punishments that you've given them. It's hard to be a family when you are constantly at odds with each other. I would just stick with what you say and follow through so the kids know that YOU are serious even if he isn't.


    Answer by skittles1108 at 2:16 PM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • The two of you need to sit down together without the children present and work out some guidelines that you can both agree to. Let him give you his ideas first. It may be that if he really thinks about it, he will have some really good ideas about discipline. You two must present a united front. Anything less is sending mixed messages to your children and will cause them much confusion and harm. During your discussion, you should also make a pact that you will never question the parenting of the other spouse in the presence of the children. This is a very important issue, so have pen and paper handy and write down those rules that you and he can agree to along with what will be the punishment for infractions. Be willing to give some concessions and not have to make all the rules yourself. He will better enforce the ones that he helps to make.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:18 PM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • I think the two of you need to get together on this. Why doesn't he feel the need to back you up? Maybe he thinks you're too strict? Maybe he doesn't understand your reasoning? Whatever the reason it does send a bad message. If you're the only one shelling out dicsipline, the least he can do is get out of your way.

    Answer by camiam81 at 2:26 PM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • Well, I've tried the discussion route. He is one of these guys that thinks he is superior to everyone else. Discussions do no good with him. I am having trouble making the kids mind me, but I have gotten tougher on them. I feel like our house is "disconeected"...he needs to realize his role, but he's not. It's frustrating. He is cutting hay, at the momenty, and family takes a back seat. I am just so frustrated with his attitude towards our family. Don't get me wrong, though. He does have some good qualities, too, such as cooking and doing laundry.

    Comment by sem71205 (original poster) at 2:29 PM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • Definitely non-violent communication in a non-emotional moment with him-- not when anything is going on related to the issues you want to discuss.

    Answer by doulala at 1:39 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

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