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What is the biggest things to know when setting up custody?

i have no idea where to put this; i have taken care of my child since birth the dad barely knows how to buy diapers{which he never has!} he has agreed to sign visitation papers but doesnt care to discuss what goes in or help pay for it, so ive been researching to see what needs to be covered if i missed anything or has something wrong let me know please i need all the help from real parents who have been there...

i do know:
every other weekend.
every other holiday{ example: i get christmas one year he has thanksgiving and then switch}
must be back by time stated.
must have current address,phone numbers.

i want but dont know if i can;
if weekend is missed no make up days.
it is his responisblity to provided diapers,food clothes,etc while she is in his care.
his family may see her on his time since he lives with his mother and grandmother still.
no smoking around the child!

ok that is all i canthink about right now so please someone help to direct me

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:46 PM on Jun. 19, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • The smoking part probably wont be allowed unless u get a dr note showing your child has a serious allergy or asthma, so be prepared for that. Grandparents have no rights so they wont be addressed, if they call you tell them take it up with their son. Make sure you have no over night guests of the opp sex who arent related by blood or marriage. You also want first right of refusal which means if he has to work or go somewhere on his time he has to call you to have you watch them before his parents, babysitter, gf etc. Clothing Id say he provides his own, they come back in what you send them in. Food non issue if he doesnt feed them he is neglecting them you go back for sole custody then. As for Christmas they usually split the holiday. So you might get the day school lets out until the day after Christmas, he gets Day after til New yrs etc. All other holidays they alternate.

    Answer by gemgem at 2:50 PM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • Oh and you always need his work number, address, phone, email, cell number, and etc.

    Answer by gemgem at 2:51 PM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • *side not to the granparents rights, some states do have grandparents rights.

    Answer by vntNyll at 3:00 PM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • the state we live in they do not... also noted that if he should go back to jail{minor offence such as lack of child support again} i do not want the child access to the place regardless he is in there,im in there,or whoever! bc of health issues-too many of the kids around here are seeing parents in the county jail and returning with MRSA,staffinfections, hep c and all kinds of other nasty stuff i find that to be a health risk and shouldnt be excluded.
    as for smoking i can see where that maynot be such a issue

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:36 PM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • Mother's Day w/ u, Father's Day w/ him. I wouldn't rotate those.


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:56 PM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • o no those would be set...sad thing is he really didnt care this year :'(

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:08 PM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • Grandparents only have rights in limited states and in limited circumstances. Those would be if they could show an ongoing loving relationship that would be detrimental if ended to the child and if the bio parent is dead, or incarcerated. Most of the time those are the only time in grandparent right friendly states it is allowed. Otherwise it is up to the grandparents to get along with the custodial parent even if they hate them. As my mom said you have to be willing to crawl through broken glass on your stomach for them.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:17 PM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • believe me this woman has no such feelin to do so for her grand kid if there is a chance for her to tell me wha tto do, harass me,make it sound like i am a idiot mother she does it. that is why when it is HIS time to see the child that is when i want his mother to be able to, i dont want anything to do with this woman she has threatened and harassed my husband and i enough! if it was up to me {legally} id never let that woman be alone with my daughter she goes out of her way to disobey the rules we{including her bio dad} has set up, she has tried over and over to cause fights b/t the dad and i just to get him to do whatever she wants. and unfortuantly since he is a mommys boy whatever she wants she gets no matter what it cost to the child! exm; she was sick for days and insisted she be apart of a wedding, the next night she went to the er to get treated with shots!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:28 PM on Jun. 19, 2011

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