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Listening...

what can i do to let my two young boys (ages 3 and 5) know that they have to listen to their step dad. everytime he tells them no or tells them to do somthing they always run to me. i am always telling them that they need to listen to him, but they wont. and somthing simple like helping the kids in and out of the car, they yell and say i want MAMA!!! this is unexceptable, i cant do everything. any suggestions???

 
dfwhite

Asked by dfwhite at 6:36 PM on Jun. 19, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 14 (1,702 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • Honestly, my ds's do this with my dh (their father). I am the one with them 24/7, and come to me for everything, especially if daddy tells them what they don't want to hear lol. I only reinforce what ever my dh says, that way they will see we're a united front. Hopefully it will sink in eventually.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 12:05 AM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • I think you just have to keep reminding them that he is there to help them and to help you. Also, if he is helping out of the car and they start screaming I would just let them scream and have him continue to help them. I would not run over and get them out of the car. I would also find ways for them to interact with playing and that sort of thing. Lastly, I might ask the boys why they don't want him helping them. Listen to what they say, maybe there is a good reason why they don't like him right at this moment.

    Good Luck!
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 6:40 PM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • Are you sticking to what your hubby is telling them? If you're telling them something different then of course they are going to come to you.
    Is this a new situation? Maybe they need to bond with him. If possible, create a really fun day(or maybe even a whole weekend) for your kids and step-dad to spend together. Obviously, you will be somewhere else. Good luck!!
    crazy4u49033

    Answer by crazy4u49033 at 6:43 PM on Jun. 19, 2011

  • I too am with them 24/7 so mabey thats the issue... i will try to reinforce what he says. thank you.
    and Rosehawk....... Nothing inappropriate happends, Trust me! if you knew my SO that thought wouldnt even cross your mind. i understand why it would but trust me, that is not the case here. I think that mabey I need to pay closer attention to what he says and reinforce what he says.... i thought i was but since posting this, i have listen to myself and watched myself alot closer and i can see some of the issue. My SO isnt around as much as i am so i think they think that i am the boss..... thank you for the feedback.
    dfwhite

    Comment by dfwhite (original poster) at 9:19 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • Two thoughts are running through my head.

    1) They run to you because you are undermining his authority with them, either consciously or unconsciously. If that' the case then you DO need to put your foot down and back him up. If Dad says clean your room and they run to you and you don't make them, or you try to make a deal that needs to stop. If Dad says clean your room, and they run to you you need to say: Dad told you to clean your room, now go do it.

    2) If they are pitching a fit about him doing ANYTHING with/near them I'd be wondering if anything inappropriate is happening. It's horrible that that kind of nastiness happens, but I'd be REAL curious as to the WHY's of them screaming for you when he tries to do anything to help out. I HOPE that's not the case, but It'd still be in the back of MY mind.

    I hope it's more of an adjustment/learning curve and nothing more.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 7:05 PM on Jun. 19, 2011

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