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Finding out that a scarily large amount of women in my family either died or were injured in childbirth

I was doing family history(not like 1600's just like 1930's and later) and it stood out to me i mean I knew that my Mom still has a pelvic injury from something the midwife did when she was in labor with me and I knew about great grandma who died of an infection a few days after giving birth,aunt LeeAnn almost losing her oldest because she didn't dialate and aunt Fay's hemorrhage but I mean like a lot more then that.
We lived out in the middle of nowhere so until a few years ago so most of my family had their babies at home until like the the 1960's and a fair amount of my cousins still don't think the drive is worth it.
My MIL(and about six other people) keeps trying to sell me on home birth and I wasn't comfortable with it before I had my first one by c-section. All I can think of when they mention it is that we've never had a set of twins in the family both survive if they weren't born in the hospital.

Does anybody else have this kind of a family history? How do you get family and complete strangers to back off without horribly offending them by telling them that your not doing it because you think it's dangerous? I need to still be able to talk to these people even if we don't agree on things like this(or the excistence of gestational diabetes).
I know that it goes well for many women,I've read the studies and I've seen the business of being born even if I don't agree with it. I need helpful info not someone telling me to just tell them off or someone who wants to fight about how much better it is or how great the Netherlands is.

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:20 AM on Jun. 20, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • A lot more women were injured or killed in childbirth in years gone by, in every family, but your history does sound particularly scarey.

    I always loved the idea of home birth, but 2nd was born at 32 weeks and rushed to NICU, my 3rd baby was an emergency c-sec, my 5th had the cord around his neck... I don't think I'd have 6 children today if I had had a home birth. I mean, you can respect another woman to make her own choice, but ultimately it is up to you. If you feel it's not worth the risk, then DON'T try home birth!! Your body, your baby, your decision. End of story. If others can't respect that, you need to paint it in black and white for them. NOT UP TO THEM!!

    Answer by judimary at 12:30 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • I think a lot of people have this sort of history....childbirth, in the past especially, was a dangerous endeavor. I would go what you know is right in your gut. You know your comfort level. You can just tell the others, I am not comfortable with a home birth. You don't even have to justify it because it is no one else's business but your own. Just say that what is right for one person, is not necessarily right for everyone and leave it at that. It's doubly hard because when you are pregnant your hormones are crazy as it is..but I always felt that I had a heighten sense of the right thing to do when I was pregnant. Take good care! Good luck hon!

    Answer by comfycouch at 12:31 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • You simply smile at them and tell them that you love and respect them, and that you value their opinion, but that this is a private matter between you, your dh, and the medical professionals that you have chosen, and you don't want to discuss it. Tell them that as much as you love and respect them, you hope that they can love and respect you enough to accept that this it's your body, your children, and your choice to make, and that you don't want to talk about it.

    Say this nicely, but firmly, then change the subject. Repeat it as often as you need to.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 1:17 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • goodmorning! I am from holland but living in greece for a loooong time now, i had my baby at the hospital. The 9 moths were perfect, no problems what so ever but i wanted the hospital not at home, made me feel never know.

    Answer by kea1313 at 1:18 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Oh - and if that doesn't work, you can also add to it, you know, one of the beautiful things about this country is we're all entitled to our own opinions, and we're all allowed to make our own choices as to how we want to have and raise our kids. I respect your rights and your choices, and I expect the same consideration for mine. Because even though we're cousins / sisters / you're my aunt / grandma / mom (whatever the relationship), and we're all part of the same extended family, we still all need to do what's right for our own, specific, immediate family. My husband, my kids, and I are doing what's right for us, just like you do what's right for your family. End of discussion.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 1:19 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Saying to them (expand or paraphase at will, lol):

    "Sounds like you have some opinions about homebirthing.
    I hear you saying that it is a good idea and that I should consider it.
    Thank you for your truly thoughtful love and caring, giving me suggestions and information, it is really nice to know I have you in my life!
    I really do appreciate you offering your thoughts and opinions here, thanks so much.
    Now would you mind if I offer mine?"

    (They respond: "okay, sure")

    "Having read through/watched the info provided and my awareness with familial conditions, I have decided that I am most comfortable in a different setting.
    I would appreciate your understanding and support, knowing this has been a concern and educated decision. Because I care about my health and safety, and my baby's too.
    Do you hear what I am saying, does this make sense for you?"

    (they get to answer)

    Answer by doulala at 1:33 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Tell them, "Thank you for caring about me enough to share your opinion."

    Answer by GoodyBrook at 1:39 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • The kind of things you describe like infections and not dialating etc are handled very well by modern medicine. Death in childbirth is extremely extremely rare adn it is usually a Mom who has not had any prenatal care. Go to a good OB?GYN and don't risk a home birth and you will be fine.

    Answer by GrammytoTrin at 4:12 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • it's your body, it's your baby. all you have to say is "I appreciate your input, but I think I'm going to have this child the "new" traditional way... in a hospital" just say it over and over again

    Answer by hollydaze1974 at 11:29 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

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