Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

Anyone else feel like their kids punish them for working?

DD is 18 mo's old. I didn't start working a full time regular job until Feb o fthis year. Before then I'd worked part time jobs. So we got to spend several hours a day together before Iwent to work. Now I'm working 7-4, five days a week. DD just makes it sooo hard some days! When I pick her up from daycare she almost instantly turns into a brat. I get her in the car and she will try to smack me or scream. We get home, get some milk and snuggle on the couch for a little bit. Then we sit on the floor and play for at least half an hour. I try to cook dinner but she just throws such a fit! If I'm not on the floor giving her my undivided attention she is screaming and getting into things, trying to climb things. Like she wil walk over to the trash can, stop to see if I'm watching her, and then stick her hand right in. If I see her walking over there and I try to pick her up and move her on to something else she stiffens her whole body and falls backwards. I try to spend as much time as possible in the evenings with her and on the weekends. It just makes my night 10x harder when she acts like this. I hate it. There are days I really do dread going to pick her up because I know she's going to be a such a little brat at home. And I hate feeling that way! Even while I'm cooking or cleaning or whatever I talk to her and play with her, but apparently it's not enough. If I go to the bathroom she tries to climb on my lap while I'm peeing! I'm just at my witts end. I'm exhausted and frustrated and I don't know how make her okay with me working full time.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:02 AM on Jun. 20, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (6)
  • Can you get her involved with whatever you are doing? Like let her stir something or pour ingredients? Or give her some little pots and pans and something she can "cook" in them. Something big enough that is not a choking hazard but she can get in the pans. My friend's baby uses plastc alphabet pieces. And when you are cleaning you can give her a rag to dust with. It's wonderful to give her some undivided attention when you get home and after that make her your big helper for everything............. changing your clothes, cooking, cleaning, etc. GL

    Answer by whitepeppers at 7:12 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Sounds more like she's hitting her terrible 2's and being a working mother now you feel like its all your fault and are trying to over compensate.. Tell her that this behavior is not acceptable and the will be consequences for her actions like time out for 2 minutes. You need to show her who is the one in charge and that is the way it's going to be. Yes as a mother we feel guilty going back to work like we are abandoning our child but in reality we are giving them the social interaction they need to get. If you follow through with the time outs and stick to your guns she will cave! She's running you instead of you running her. Also reward her for when she does behave and act properly. Set goals for her and if she does blah blah blah nicely for a week she gets an extra cookie or a prize. Maybe have little cheap presents wrapped up and show them to her and tell her when and why she's going to receive them. Hang in there

    Answer by dan4heather at 7:12 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • no not really

    Answer by yvonne1111 at 8:40 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • to be honest, I think it has more to do with whatever is going on at daycare, than you working,,, I would try to "drop" by and see what is going on,, she is picking this up from somewhere, and if it is a big change from her previous personality, do some investigating, and huggs to you!

    Answer by kimigogo at 8:59 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • how many other children is she dealing with at day care? How old are they compared to her? She sounds like she is definitely acting out, and it may be the terrible twos, but it could be she's stressed with all the commotion in her daycare environment and then time to settle to down at home may be a hard transition. My nine mo old has four children to play with at daycare and just me and his brother at home.... imagine having a room full of little ones to play with all day and then the transition of quiet "entertain yourself" at home. I agree trying to give her pots and pans to bang on, I also suggest singing to her while she's in the kitchen with you and keep a running conversation with her "Katie, guess what I'm doing now? I'm fixing corn to go with those yummy mashed potatoes you like so much! Talking to her is attention, too ( and progressing vocabulary) Good luck.

    Answer by hollydaze1974 at 11:19 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • The behaviors you describe sound like typical 18 months to 2 years behavior! Testing boundaries and exploring their world! I think you should have consequences for her behavior, I agree with timeouts. I don't think she's punishing you for working, I think you're feeling guilty and it's affecting how you interact with your dd. Set boundaries and let her know you have expectations for her! And be consistent!

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 2:19 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.