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4 Bumps

Can't take it anymore

My husband grew up with a large group of friends that still keep in touch and are still very close til this day. His high school sweetheart is one of these friends and when I first started dating him I made up my mind to at least give her a chance to let me know her without thinking of that. I came to be really good friends with her. She is open about the fact that her and her husband do not get along anymore and she is planning on leaving him. Well a while back I invited her to stay at our house so she did not have to drive so long two weekends in a row and to get out of the house. While staying with us, we had a few drinks one night and my husband was telling her how EVERYONE wanted to be with her when they dated (10 + years ago) which..okay so she looks nothing like she did but still a little annoying. Well now my husband and I are not doing so great.. I love him and he loves me but we argue alot. Well everyone in his friend group is okay with staying in touch with ex's (which I am not sooo fond of but I try not to let it get to me) Well she finds this old album and has like 15 pictures of my husband wrapped all around her on facebook and I can't take it anymore. I am sick of being reminded that I am not the love of your life and I am sick of feeling like I am not good enough for anything. Everything I do is critical analyzed by my husband and now I have to look at pictures of you wrapped around you high school sweetheart to top it off. No one in his friend group sees this as anything... they all are just the best of buds and love each other like they were "brother or sisters" and the girl I am referring too even says I look at him as a brother... really so you've slept with you brother?? NO i didn't think so. Excuse me while I step back outside the "group" and get annoyed by seeing pictures of my husband wrapped all around you in a ton of pictures.. now I tend to get more upset about things than I should.... am I wrong for feeling this way.. I mean I realize that I will never "really" be considered a part of the group but that does not mean you have to remind me that you and him "used" to be in love. and sleep together on a regular basis. I just do not feel that this life is what I pictured it to be. I have issues with his mom..which causes issues with us... his mom is always in our business and i really never have anything between just us. and he had a past yes... but that's the point its the PAST leave it in the PAST and lets make a future. I just do not feel like I fit in with him and his friends and family anymore. I feel like no matter what I will always be someone invading their relationships and memories.

Answer Question
 
Ross2010

Asked by Ross2010 at 8:58 AM on Jun. 20, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,420 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • I hope the venting helped some, good luck mama. I can understand your concerns, but do some soul searching and really think about what you want and need out of the marriage....talk with your husband, seriously talk, maybe he feels some way you don't know and can shed some light. God Bless you!
    Dahis

    Answer by Dahis at 9:03 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Comunication is first step !!! dont recat so quickly ..try to find soem ways to talk t ur huby
    Good luck !!
    caramelH

    Answer by caramelH at 9:07 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Why are you 2 even in a relationship together, this isn't going to work. Leave him, for your own well being and to make a decision for yourself, this is quite excessive of him, abusive, and degrading to say the very least.
    get away from him, don't even wonder why or how, just do it. NOW
    coffeeyum

    Answer by coffeeyum at 9:08 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • If I were in your shoes today, I would make myself stop thinking about the past. You can do that by choosing to think of the now. Today is really the only day you have, so concentrate on using it to love your husband with the goal in mind of making him be the best he can be. True happiness is found in pouring your life into the life of someone else. You can't do that when you are allowing your thoughts to be controlled by what some other person or people are doing or have done. If you have to leave Facebook in order to not think about her, then leave--at least for a while. Whatever you do, don't give other people control over you and your marriage. I believe that you can love your husband so well that he will eventually forget the old flame and probably the others friends, too. That would be my goal and I would spend every waking minute pursuing that goal. She only wins if you hand her the victory.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:10 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • It's a little odd that she still has those pictures on facebook. My husband is friends with is high school sweetheart but they have both moved on
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 9:16 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Okay girl, listen closely. I was in a relationship that was EXACTLY the same as yours. I can't say your husband will or won't, but my husband wound up sleeping with the "friend" while I was headed to the hospital in labor! I stayed and tried to work it out, but he figured if he got away with it once, he could do it again! And he did!! I left him 3yrs ago, and couldn't be happier. I found myself and found a man who loves me for me! We have been happily married for 8months now, and together for 2yrs. Honesty, trust and communication are the most vital things in a relationship. If you don't have these, then there is little hope for a relationship. I spoke with a therapist during my last relationship, while I was single, and since I have been remarried. She helped me learn to love myself as well as trust others again.
    chavemann

    Answer by chavemann at 9:19 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Ok. Here a thought block the so called friend on your facebook. And than have a serious talk with your husband. There may be things that are said that can hurt but its up to the both of you if you can work past those words. And he needs to speak with his mother and tell her to say out of your business. But if he is the one telling her ya' ll business he has to stop. Good luck to you
    cmholt

    Answer by cmholt at 9:43 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • And people think I'm antiquated when I say that people should wait to have sex until married. This is one of the things that come back to haunt you later on. Or in your case, their sleeping together is hurting your relationship. Although it sounds like it is hurting it even more than it is already. I'm friends with a guy I dated in high school. Although maybe it is different because we didn't have sex. We live 1000 miles apart too, so there is only texting here and there. There isn't anything wrong with it unless it is affecting your marriage. It sounds like they miss the times when things were not so hard. He may have told her everyone wanted her to boost her self-esteem. But I do think the photos on facebook are inappropriate. I think you should put distance between y'all.
    attap5

    Answer by attap5 at 9:46 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Try your best to make it work but i t is hard to when reminded every often of his past I would move on by myself bc you will never be happy as long as his past friends are around :\ your story reminds me of that movie "Twister" where the fiancĂ© realizes she will never fit in...sorry hope everything works out for the best. GL
    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 9:48 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • There is a Garth Brooks song "Unanswered Prayers" they even made a TV movie about it...reading your story made me think about it.

    First loves are very threating especially if you feel your current one isn't as strong as you need it to be. Since she (the ex) is about to be on the market your hubby may be experiencing a bit of the "what ifs". This is dangerous water since you have stayed so close. As for the old pictures, IMO she is dangling some enticement and saying remember how much fun I was...

    You need to ask him to step away until she gets her life settled. Explain to him how all this makes you feel and ask him to put you first. You were fair to make nice, but since she is leaving her husband you are no longer obligate to extend that hand. If he can not understand this then you may have a problem.

    My concern is when did she decide to leave her husband? Before or after she stayed with you??
    sipn_mom

    Answer by sipn_mom at 9:50 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

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