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Good Advice Needed! What would you do?

My SO and I have an adorable sunny faced baby girl. She is the first grand baby for both our parents. My mother is a very responsible, sweet woman and I always ask her to watch our daughter if we need to do something.

My MIL is a pill popping drunk who I think might also be a narcissist. She is always in an argument with somebody, she plays the victim card like a professional, she is always making very poor decisions and she always blacks out with out remembering what she did. She continually complains that we do not let her watch the baby to all her friends, then they all get on to me about it. My SIL and SO both think we all need to have an intervention with their mom. My response to them was, "Before you have an intervention with her, you both need to make a commitment to stop calling your mother when you want her to hang out with you to drink so she will foot the bill. Also, how will she take you seriously if you both drink more than her on a daily basis?" They did not agree with me.  My SO and SIL handle there alcohol ok, but I think because my MIL is on prescribed medicines the combination of alcohol is not very good obviously.  My SO and I were only dating for a month before I became pregnant and we have successfully grown our relationship for the exception of this problem.

For a while, we have used the time spent going out to restaurants as a way for the in-laws to see the baby so she can be closely watched by me and we can leave after an hour to say we can put her to bed. I used to let them come over, but they would stay over for hours and drink the booze they brought with them. I am starting to see the flaws in the restaurant plans because I get ambushed by the MIL's drunk friends. When I say drunk, I mean slurring talk, stumbling all over the place, arguing about ridiculous things, 50-year old women flashing their boobs, etc.

I feel like we are enabling my MIL to behave the way she is and she has so many culprits she will never think it is wrong. In your opinion, what is the best way for me to approach this? How involved should I get?

 
Gingerwheel

Asked by Gingerwheel at 10:13 AM on Jun. 20, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,310 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • Well, you can't make any of them stop drinking, and you can't force them to have an intervention. My best advice would be that since she is not your mother, let SO and his sister handle it, and you stay out of it so you can't be made into the bad guy. Keep supervising her visits. If the restaurant idea isn't working, depending on your daughter's age, consider the park or something like that. That gives you an activity of sorts and also limits the ability to drink somewhat, depending on where you go. Don't worry about what she or her friends think. You have every right to protect your daughter from anyone you feel is not safe or a good influence.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 10:24 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Intervention, counseling, court ordered supervised visits, take your pick. And good luck!
    Dahis

    Answer by Dahis at 10:18 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Sounds like your DH and your SIL are also alcoholics and you are in for a long haul with this. An intervention is needed, but they cannot drink with her. And I'm not against drinking at all. BUT I see signs of alcoholism and it is not going to be good for you or the baby. They ALL need an intervention.
    attap5

    Answer by attap5 at 10:22 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • cut the cord.....explain very simply ...YOU CANT SEE THE BABY WHILE YOU ARE DRINKING AND I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU WITH MY CHILD BECAUSE OF THE DRINKING PERIOD......that being said tell her she is welcome to come see the baby supervised when she is not drinking.....and the minute she shows up drunk leave or kick her out.....its that simple....
    cara124

    Answer by cara124 at 10:32 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • talk to your SO and explain why you don't want your MIL wathcing the baby and have your SO let her know why you two aren't comfortable with her wathcing the baby. The MIL innaproapriate behavior needs to be brought to her attention so she understands why she doesnt see the baby.
    abannist

    Answer by abannist at 10:25 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • i would not let my daughter near these people. As far as intervention goes... they have to want it. You can't make them do it.
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 11:20 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

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