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19 yr old daughters' room is a pig sty. help!

We have asked & asked and asked for her to throw out old clothes, organize clothes she wears, throw out trash, etc. and her room is just one giant pile of crap. This has been going on for years. Do I continue to ignore? Do I just go in and "go postal" on that room? Do I try to get her to let me help her? I find it terribly disrespectful to our household so it really bothers me.

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Niffy423

Asked by Niffy423 at 10:57 AM on Jun. 20, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 4 (42 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • Tell her it gets cleaned or she needs to find somewhere else to live. You can offer to help her but living in a dirty room is a hazard for the entire family should she accidentally attract bugs or animals into the house with her filth.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:00 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Don't ask her to clean it up, TELL her to clean it up. Tell her you're going to remove her door, and the things that belong to you, until she can get it right. I would also give her more responsibility around the house. I'm guessing she doesn't have a whole lot to do otherwise around your home.... GL
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 11:00 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Tell her she is going to have to start paying you to keep it that way, call it a "Trash Recovery Fee"...LOL.......
    Dahis

    Answer by Dahis at 11:00 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • I have the same thing with my 24 year old, although she is moving out soon so I'm not saying much at the moment. But we've had this discussion, and again the other day, although the plans to move was before that. I would tell her she either cleans up her act or there is the door. It's your house, it's your rules.
    attap5

    Answer by attap5 at 11:02 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Hmmm, hard to say. My mom would freak if mine got that bad. Finally, she went through EVERYTHING and tossed, cleaned, washed and stuck a bill on the door. I think that was the year I started paying rent, I moved out shortly thereafter.
    ShelbysHope76

    Answer by ShelbysHope76 at 11:03 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • 1) have her pay rent. then the room is hers for the trashing. 2) do not allow any food to go into the room as a condition of rent.(prevent smell and bugs) 3) Have fees for broken conditions. 4) another condition is keeping the door closed at all times (If you can't see it it can't bother you). 5) lastly she does her own laundry. (again so you no longer have to set foot in that room.)

    She is an adult and has to figure it out on her own.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 11:04 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • also make it a prt of the conditions that when ever she moves out she will be responsible for any damages any damages including possible carpet cleaning or replacement. Make it a contract!
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 11:05 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • maybe give her a deadline to have it cleaned up, thrown away or donated if she doesnt have it done you will do it. you will throw way or donate the items you think need it. if she wants to keep her things she will pick up and clean up. just an idea.
    esmith1984

    Answer by esmith1984 at 11:06 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • She is SUPPOSED to leave for college in August. I think she should get herself organized (purged of crap!) now so she is set to go.

    She does have some responsibilities around the house and will do the things we ask of her. But I think she does have hoarding-type of habits which makes it difficult for her to "clean" her room. Her idea of "cleaning" and mine are from different perspectives. I'm wondering if I write out what my expectations are... maybe a to-do list of things for her to tackle... would be of any benefit?
    Niffy423

    Comment by Niffy423 (original poster) at 11:13 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • I clearly remember as a 7 yr old, coming home from school one afternoon to find every single thing I owned that was not where it belonged, made a pile in the middle of my bedroom floor. My mom locked me in my room and told me I had one hour to put stuff where it went. Whatever did not find a place found a home either in the trash or at the goodwill. Worth a try.

    Your dd is an adult now, you are no longer obligated to take charge of maintaining her things. If she is working, she should be paying for the things she can afford. If she can afford to go out each weekend, she can afford to pay a small rent. As well, she can maintain her space, get her a small trash can to keep in her room. Remove the door until the room is up to your standard. If you have to fetch the garbage or feel like you need to ask her to clean her room, take the door again, and do not say a word about it.

    Drastic circumstances calls for drastic measures.
    matobe

    Answer by matobe at 11:21 AM on Jun. 20, 2011

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