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How do other's deal with adult stepchildren?

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whywhywhy

Asked by whywhywhy at 9:02 PM on Dec. 12, 2008 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (17)
  • I'm an adult stepchild and I have friends who are adult stepchildren and we all agree that our stepmothers probably will never be right by us! Its a tough job. Although I will say I have good reasons to not like my stepmother. My friends on the other hand believe they would probably tolerate their stepmothers under different circumstances.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:09 PM on Dec. 12, 2008

  • At what stage are you in as an adult step child, and what determines whether or not she is right by you. As a step mother, it is my duty to step in and provide when the mother has stepped out. Curious, what are good reasons to not like the woman that father loves.I am 44 and also guess what ?(an adult step child). I have my own issues too, but my mother is deceased, so that is different. Step parents, step children, a hard row to hoe. Blended families are tumultuous at best. Just for fun Google Harry Browne, a christmas gift to his nine year old daughter, the script is quite profound and says everything that people should have built inside there being.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:38 PM on Dec. 12, 2008

  • If they are adults when the relationship starts that would be different from dealing with children. As much as you love the father, don't do anything to step between him and his children. The parent child relationship should be sacred.
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 9:40 PM on Dec. 12, 2008

  • I have an adult stepchild, but I married his dad when he was 6 and have never had him call me mom becuase he has his own mom. He is a great kid, and now that he is 28 he calls me Mom. LOL I think the trick is to try not to replace his mom, his mom is his mom no matter what anyone else thinks.
    njt320

    Answer by njt320 at 9:13 AM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • i'm an adult step child andhave tried to like my step mother of course she made it extremely hard by telling me i should have slept around more before i got married (i never had sex before my husband) she also wanted me to "loosin up and be cool" when i was 17 andstill lived in their house her idea of being cool was drinkning a margarita even though i was adament about not wanting to try alchol until i was at least not living in my parents house and at best legally aloud to. but if they're an adult just respect their wishes within reason. you are notactually their parent and unless they respect you what you say pretty much means nothing. sorry ifthis is hard to read i'm trying to hold my son and type with one hand.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:17 AM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • I am a step-daughter. My mother & father were married for 30 years & my mom passed away when she was 48 yrs old leaving 7 children from age 28 to 14. My dad remarried a year latter to a women that had been married to her husband for 30 years & no children. So what was a women thinking marriing a man with 7 kids & 8 grandchildren. (Crazy) Her & my father were married 32 years before she passed away 3 years ago. She was a great step-mother & grandmother. My mom gave birth & she raised us. My mom would have been proud that my dad picked a great mom for us. I also have two step-sons, that I think are great. I treat them the same as I do my own two sons. When my husband got married they were 18 (twins) 14, 6. To day they are 40, 36,28. & are best friends. Family gathers are great.
    Tinkerbell3396

    Answer by Tinkerbell3396 at 11:52 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • My Mom is remarried to a wonderful man who has an adult daughter. The father and daughter are very close. (the daughters mom passed when she was young, she is now 27) My mom does not agree with her husbands parenting skills, she gets angry that her husband gives his daughter money, my mom tries to tell his daughter how she feels she should be living her life. I have told my mother that this adult child has already been raised and if her father has never had a problem with his daughter, why should it be such a huge problem to her? the daughter does not live in the house but visits and calls her dad daily. My mom feels that her privacy is being invaded, my mom needs to be a bit more humble and back off!

    mommiedear

    Answer by mommiedear at 11:51 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • Smile, be as nice as you can to them. And hope you don't have to be around them for very long.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 4:55 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • My step daughter is 13 and has been in my life since she was 5. I try very hard to treat her as my own when she is with us. Once she is grown she will continue to be a member of my family. Having said this, she has a mother, and I would never try to replace her. Once she is grown I will let her set the tone for our relationship. She has a mother and father and she will be old enough to decide what is best for her.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 9:09 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • I am the adult stepchild! My step mom has been around secnce 9 months after my parents split. I HATED her and wanted nothing to do with her. Now that I am grown and she is not trying to "parent" me we get along fine. When I am in town her myself and even mym mom all go play BINGO.
    Gizgirl

    Answer by Gizgirl at 11:00 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

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