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Need help..but have no one to talk to

My husband and I have been married 5 years, in that time, we have fought like no ones business, finaly, we went to marriage counceling this year. I feel like it's not helping much, my love is fading fast. I feel like I can never do something right. Worst of all, I became best friends with a guy..and I feel like i'm falling in love with him. NO, I'M NOT HAVING SEX WITH HIM. If i even actualy ever kissed him, i'd call it quits.

I don't want to be like other people and just stay in the marriage becaue i feel like i have to. Marriage to me means never giving up no matter what. It's just we can't get along, no matter what, he doesn't understand me at all, he doesn't believe in me, he never shows he loves me expect in the bedroom. that's it. If you have any questions feel free to ask..i just need help and a push to say "leave god damn it!"
sorry for my cursing.


Asked by Anonymous at 1:27 PM on Jun. 20, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • I think that even if the was beating you, you would still feel a certain amount of sadness at the thought of leaving him. It's possible that the sadness is for what you want from the marriage and are not getting. If you are not happy, not satisfied, and not getting from the marriage what you are supposed to get, then it's time to end it. If he is not putting nearly the amount of effort into it that he should, if he doesn't even want to, then it's time to end it. If he's telling you that you are not good enough, the F*CK! Get OUT! You do NOT deserve to be told that! That is NOT a loving relationship. SEX does NOT = love. It never has, never will. And, not good enough for WHAT?
    Marriage takes work. It does. But it takes both parties to work at it, not just one, or it will fail. It will fail even if it doesn't end in divorce. But just because the marriage fails, or ends in divorce does not mean that YOU failed. Remember that.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 5:46 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Have you considered ending the friendship with the other guy? The friendship may be clouding your true feelings for your dh.

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 1:30 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • If your marriage is not working life is to short to live it unhappily, you don't have to do anything that is making you unhappy. A lot of people feel divorce is a failure in life, and it isn't, it happens and sometimes it takes a few tries to get it right. Confront him with what you told us and take it from there.....

    Answer by older at 1:32 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • First thing to do is to lose the guy friend. Second thing to do is to start doing everything you can to make your husband feel like the most special guy on the planet. Love is about what you give and not about what you get. When you begin to concentrate all your attention on loving your husband, helping him become the best person he can possibly be, you will find him doing the same for you. If you need help on knowing what to do for him or how to do for him, I can recommend a ton of helpful marriage books that will give you all kinds of pointers. For starters, get THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES by Gary Chapman. Read it and discover how your love language and your husband's are probably miles apart. Somebody has to move in the other's direction, so let that person be you. Listen to what your husband says. Listen with your heart. Respond to those things instead of telling him what's wrong all the time. Say positive things!!

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:36 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • And no worrying about scaring him. Say what you've written. Divorce costs more than marriage counseling.

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:31 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • I kinda know how u feel. Sme situation here except I'm the one giving up and not showing the love. Now I'm confused as hell and not sure what to do :(

    Answer by BitsMom00 at 1:32 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • ".it just hurts so much to be told i will never be good enough all the time. "

    I noticed that in your original post. He is not treating you as you should be treated. Time to get out.

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:47 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Lose the "other guy" in your life, focus on your marriage, esp. if you have children. The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence.

    Marriage takes work - keep at it.

    Answer by tasches at 1:59 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • I have been married for 10 years with three girls and now going through a divorce. Couseling did not work for us. Some people are meant to be together and some are not. Look into you heart and see if your happy or not and what you want to do with you life. Just you can make that decision and once you make your mind up then go with it. I do not think the other guy has anything to do with your married excpet that your not happy with this one. I will talk and write if you need some one to talk you. Everyone deserves to be treated right and if not then move on. I have not been treated right but scared to move on but will do it for my girls. One step and one day at a time. Hang in there and take some time to see what you want in the future. There are good guys out there.

    Answer by momindiana at 2:05 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Oh, i can't go to the marriage counclier because it would be "a waste of his money..and i should be able to talk to him about this kind of stuff" i don't want to scare the hell out of him by saying i feel like i stay with him because 1. i like security 2. i feel like i'm obligated since i loved him first 3. i don't want to lose the frienship of his siblings..4. I don't to be like the rest -just divorce them because it's not working out.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:30 PM on Jun. 20, 2011