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2 Bumps

Would you speak up or mind your own business?

I have a friend who has two boys and two step sons. The youngest two are three months apart. She treats the youngest step son a lot differently than her own son. Both boys are a little wild and rambuctious. Both boys have issues at school. But she is much harder on her step son. He gets sent to his room for things that her son gets away with. She constantly complains about her step son.

I think out of the two younger ones her stepson is actually better behaved. When asked to stop doing something by someone else he generally stops. He has awesome manners. I just feel so bad for him. I don't want to stick my nose where it doesn't belong....and I know she isn't abusing or neglecting him....but he can see the difference.

The older two are about a year apart and she treats them the same....even down to ensuring that the older step son has the same things in his room that her own son does. But this is just not the case with the younger one.

Answer Question
 
Shaken1976

Asked by Shaken1976 at 2:48 PM on Jun. 20, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 20 (9,288 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • I, personally, would keep my nose out of it. & I would keep myself away from her. I wouldn't want to be around someone like that.
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 2:49 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Id mention it to the father not her.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 2:50 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Thats really sad.:(
    momthruivf

    Answer by momthruivf at 2:51 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • if you are close enough to this friend, bring it up casually. just try not to butt in to much and cause a fight between you two. that's a tough decision for you, good luck!
    abannist

    Answer by abannist at 2:52 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Honestly if you do say something she will probably get mad and say thats not true it anyway. I would keep out of it. I never give advise unless I am asked.
    Brandi300

    Answer by Brandi300 at 2:52 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Ps I never give advise unless asked EXCEPT when there is something really terrible going on.

    That is a sad situation though :(
    Brandi300

    Answer by Brandi300 at 2:53 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • as a step parent she may feel like she can relate to the older child better since its older and it listens to her better...a young skid does not always listen and do the things they are asked to do..or she could feel that she is being left to tend to someone elses small child when she is already taking care of her own..its not easy being a step parent and she may have issues at times..maybe the father should step in and help do his part and take some of the responsibility off of her...i dunno i have seen the times when my friends tried to butt in and i went off on them bc they were wrong and later on they saw my side of the issues..maybe its better to just leave it alone as long as hes not being abused or neglected
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:53 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Perhaps she does not realize that she is doing it. Maybe you could say something like "Didn't you just let Jr. do that same thing yesterday?"
    BigMammaRed

    Answer by BigMammaRed at 2:54 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • I would say go with your gut and use your best judegment. You know your friend way better than we do. How do you think she would react if you said something to her? Do you think she'll be receptive or take offense if you bring up the subject?

    If you think she can handle it, then yes, I say something. She's your friend. Choose the time and your words carefully. You don't want to come across like you are accusing her of being a bad parent. Just tell her it's something you've noticed and that you would want her to do the same for you. Try and let her do most of the talking.

    CaseyErin

    Answer by CaseyErin at 2:54 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Well, if she treats one of the step-sons great and the other not so great...maybe it's because he's a handful. You don't know what she goes through on a daily basis only what you have seen. Some kids are good manipulators and their so cute, and appear to be the victim when in reality they are just good at what they do and only a mom/step-mom knows what the child is capable of . Being a step mom can be an even harder job than a bio-mom with no rewards, praise or even appreciation from anyone at times. I would mind your own business. You said, yourself you know that she is not abusing or neglecting him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:56 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

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