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Husbands fear of another baby ,..

I have always wanted 3 kids, however after we had 2 we decided to wait until we had more money and a bigger house ... we just put the 3rd baby talk on the back burner...

Well now my husband has a great job, we have extra money, a mini van, and we just bought a 4 bedroom house... and yet now my husband does NOT want another baby...

I think this is unfair... I mean the reason we chose the 4 bedroom is because of another baby, the reason we bough the minivan is so there would be enough room for a 3rd baby.

I finally made him sit down with me and talk about why he is so set on no new babies... and he said that while I have been babysitting ( i take care of a little boy who has down syndrome) ... he said he is afriad if we have another baby it could have something wrong with it, like that ( or worse) ... and that he doesnt think he can handle it...and that he doesnt even want to talk about it anymore.

i am so devestated I dont even know what to do...I want another baby, I know I am not done having children, and i think it is unfair that he gets to make this choice by himself when we had planned on another for so long, I mean there is more of a chance that one of our kids could be seriously harmed in a car accident, does that mean we need to stop taking them places... and even if we do have another and they have some sort of mental problem, that doesnt mean we wont love it and take care of it...

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:59 PM on Jun. 20, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Oh so he is associating the possible new baby with a child you have babysat? So he has a fear! Attack that fear with some reassurance and maybe some facts and figures since he is a man and men are visual. You could also try to babysit a very adorable baby if you can just so he can reminisce about the joys with your other two children!
    Gingerwheel

    Answer by Gingerwheel at 5:04 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Be blessed with what you have.
    My3Ez

    Answer by My3Ez at 5:04 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • The babies you already have could have been born with problems. It's not the end of the world to have a child with problems, I speak from experience. I have worked with children and adults with special needs for 15 years and my 5 year old son has special needs. Do you have a family history? Does he? Are you over 35? A no to any of these decreases your chances. Give him some time, do some research and show it to him. Be patient momma.
    TARARENEE

    Answer by TARARENEE at 5:07 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • I take care of 2 children - the one with the DS and another 2 month old baby girl -- he wont even hold the baby... I just dont understand how he could turn a 180 in just the last couple of years...

    We know we are very blessed and lucky to have our 2 children now... If i am unable to have another I will stll be happy and blessed-feeling to have my 2.... but like I said I just KNOW that I am not done... I know that I meant to have more...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:08 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • I have also tried to tell him that we are very low risk for this... we are both young ( he is 27 I am 24) , and no one in either side of our families have any kind of problems besides adult diabetis
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:09 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Is there anything wrong with respecting his fears and giving him some time? I don't mean to sound placating, but you guys are still plenty young. If you were 45 & wanting a 3rd & he was putting you off, I'd understand, because time isn't so much on your side then. But you still have a good 12-15 years of babymaking ahead of you.

    He changed his mind in what sounds like a short time period; give him that amount of time (and respect) to let him come back to the idea naturally.
    EgoTryptophan

    Answer by EgoTryptophan at 5:13 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

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