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5 Bumps

How do I "let go" of ex that's moved on?

hey ladies i have liked my ex I will call him Dan ,since i was 16 he never wanted commitment so i got with dd father because i felt rejected i got pregnant dd father never was stable he treated me badly but it was better then getting my hopes up. So dan and i always had contact i always felt i loved him more then dd father i always waited for dan when dd was one we became FWB i thought hey this is better then him not wanting me at all right? Well a year later he commited for a year things were good i will admit i was insecure i always told him i wasn't good enough but he loved me regardless. Stopped partying and drinking it was just our family.

Well we took a break which we still always had contacted him still came over we just didn't have the title of bf, ( i took a break because he over reacted with dd and i felt crushed he scared me ) So we got back together and it was fine again he was really sorry and he was never happend again. Well come feb. he started gonig out more with his friends , drinking and talking to alot of girls behind my back. he started to tell me it's what i deserve for taking that break. He started lying about going out and was never around . I was crushed i should have left but wasn't strong enough. he turned into a angry and bitter person but just towards me! To everyone else he was loving fun party guy.

So in may he left all together no texting , calling or anything. I'm so crushed it's been a month. Everyone tells me he's so happy he got a promotion hes been partying and with other girls. I don't no how to let go . I tried for so long and for it to be over so fast. I cry everyday. When does it get easier? Can anyone help me out ? Please i feel like i'm going crazy i no he's gone he's not coming back but im still having a hard time or letting go. He's happy why am I not? He moved on so fast he doesn't miss me or my daughter. He doesn't care or love us anymore. Please anyone i would love some advice on how to let go and be strong like i was before.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:33 PM on Jun. 20, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Hugs !! Sorry you are in pain. Watch your thoughts. Pay attention to them, you control them and can change your thoughts at any time. Our thoughts determine our emotions. We aren't always aware and the mind can take us to a bad place if we let it. There is healing in laughter. It helps to break the hold of pain. Go to U-tube, or find humor everyday. "If it is to be, it's up to me". Only I can make my life better. Look up "Two Wolves" A Cherokee parable. You will be fine and things will get better. You just have to focus on life "without" this guy. It sounds like you had codependant thoughts even before you got together. No one person is the answer to us being happy. It is our perspective and strength for positive coping skills which determine our quality of life. "Fake it until you feel it". Smile, laugh and get busy enjoying life. Hang in there, life will keep changing
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 5:58 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • You may be missing him. But stop remembering all the good times and remember why it did not work. The arguments etc... By what you said it sounds like if you two would get back together it would be the same story. YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THAT! Take this time to work on your self and the happiness you desire will come to you.
    ladybug0614

    Answer by ladybug0614 at 6:08 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Looks like we can cry together , From what I've heard were probably gonna be crying for a little while. We just have to let ourselves feel all these feelings of hurt anger sadness etc etc and eventulaly get to a point where our skies are a little bluer and our hearts are a little more healed It takes time lots of time Nobody ever said this was gonna be fun ... you just have to continue to stay strong at what ever cost it costs ya do it for whatever motivation you are doing it for even if it isnt yourself yet kinda where I'm at ... That this is the best thing I could do to make sure my daughter and I are safe and have some peace andY aren't always living in fear ...... I know someday it will hurt less but for now when my daughters asleep a box of kleenex is my best friend .........You aren't alone in this
    much Love
    BluePetals

    Answer by BluePetals at 6:36 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Do not let these thoughts consume you. You have a wonderful daughter in your life that can bring you much happiness. Focus on that. You can be happy and single! In the past when I used to feel lost, I would write out a gratitude list. Usually, I became emotional, but it is good to get it out in a positive way. The purpose is to retrain you mind to focus on what is good in your life.
    Gingerwheel

    Answer by Gingerwheel at 6:36 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • It still hurts me just a smidge to see that my first love has gotten married and had his first baby. I was 16, he was my first love, and I thought we would get married someday. But it just didn't work out. But look at it this way, if we hadn't broken up I wouldn't have my two beautiful kids and my husband.
    glam.fairy

    Answer by glam.fairy at 7:21 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • thank you all so much. I guess i just have to bring myself up because he isn't caring i'm crying over him he's moving on. I'm really trying to get going and do more things with my daughter to stay busy. I have really bad days but i'm going threw my feelings. I do think alot of the good when i should think of the not good the things he did before he left the angry person he became towards me and dd. She's such a smart girl i'm blessed i just wish i could heal i feel like i have open wounds and everytime i think of him im pouring salt into them. thank you all i don't have alot of friends and this is my only adult convo i get to have :)
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:00 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • I went through this almost exactly. I liked a guy since the 8th grade, but he didn't like me back so we stayed friends. I dated other people. Then we became FWB and for almost a year is was great then...he decided he was in love with my best friend...knowing how I felt about him.

    It is the suckiest feeling in the world to want someone so badly, yet they don't feel that way.

    You just have to hold your head up and realize....hes really not the one for you.

    I met my husband, and haven't looked back at that guy since. That guy, after I met my husband, started trying to hang out with me, and want to party and he even tried to get me to leave my husband who was my boyfriend at the time, so that he could fool around with me some more. I said NO! and stopped talking to him. I'm glad because hes a real dirtbag now. To be honest...he was probably just using you.
    monstersmommy20

    Answer by monstersmommy20 at 9:35 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

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