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Why do men hit women? adult content

I want to say this will NOT turn into a bashing of men. If it gets ugly I will delete the whole thing. Be civil and kind, you don't know what others have been through.

My ex-husband use to hit me all the time. When we got divorced I refused to be with a man who felt I could become his "human punching bag" whenever he got mad. Even if it wasn't "my fault". Today I went to visit a friend who has been sick. When I asked her how she was feeling she broke into tears. I think I am going to leave my husband. She told me he choked her yesterday and is calling her and her boys awful names. We are from the same unit and our guys just got home from a year long deployment. So, when she told me this, I had to tell my hubby, who had to tell her hubby's SGT. Which meant her hubby went to see the 1SGT. Long story short, everyone who needs to know, knows. He will be counseled and watched over the next few days. But, why do men feel they can hurt us when they get angry? I realize that women can be the abuser also, but right now we are talking about men. Any thoughts? Please keep it nice.

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SweetPea726

Asked by SweetPea726 at 5:54 PM on Jun. 20, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,366 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • Why do women stay with men who hit them? They are both getting something out of the relationship. Men who need to feel powerful hit people who won't hurt them back.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 5:57 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Anger management problems Id say coupled with a deep disrespect for women and children. I had court not long back and my ex and I both had to do psych evals. He told the judge I was a diagnosed psychopath lmao. Anyway of course Im not, but he had Narcissistic personality disorder and the psychologist stated also had a deep hatred for women and children because of some issue he had with his mom. I know his mom abandoned him for 2 yrs when he was a small child because his sister died, but obviously he has issues with that. I am not saying ALL men have mommy issues but I do believe that on its own can impact how a man treats a woman. If he has no respect for his mom why would he respect any other woman?
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 5:57 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Because they are insecure in their manhoods and most likely grew up watching their daddy or other "father figure" do the same thing.

    Unfortunately, many men and women are taught that it is the man's job/duty to keep his wife "in line" with discipline. Remember, women and children used to (and still are in many places) considered property and the man could do whatever he wanted with them.

    I'm sure you have heard of "the rule of thumb" ... that meant/means that the man could beat his wife with a stick no bigger around than his thumb.

    I have more, but I have to get started on dinner. I will be back later!
    SpiritedWitch

    Answer by SpiritedWitch at 5:59 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • For many men, it is what they learned by watching the same thing happen at home.

    For other men, it is a knee jerk reaction made in anger.

    There is no hard and fast reason. For some men, it is a one time reaction. For others, it is a continuing problem. Some men respond to counseling and learn a new way of dealing with their frustration and anger and never hit again. Other's never do.

    Why do women stay with men that hit? Only they can answer that question.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 6:01 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • For various reasons. It's not the same thing for each of them. My hubby changed during his deployment. They all do. But he hasn't hit me. Will he ever? After this next deployment? IDK, I hope not. He says he could never. I'd beat his ass, and tell everyone we know. My ex was abusive, After 16 years, I still have issues.
    But, your friends hubby probably has PTSD. They all do when they come back, in various stages/levels. No excuse. At all. Some men hit to have power over women, same as those that rape (rape is not about sex, it's about power). Some hit because they have mommy issues, or hate women. Some hit because they are weak, and know any man would hit back, and they would get their ass beat down. Some have any number of psychiatric disorder, that can be set off by something. I think you and your hubby did the right thing, and I hope he gets help. I hope he doesn't do it again. It's scary. I'm really glad she told you.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 6:05 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • I agree it is a lack of respect for mom's and dad's or step dad's who do bad things to their moms. It is a learned thing. Well it was for my ex. His mom got beat from his step dad's all the time. Once he was thrown down the stairs and I was at the top. I also think that he may have some issues from this last deployment that he needs to get resolved. Not, saying that it's right, but this is common. PTSD is common. My hubby came home with it and a TBI. We have been married for almost 15 years and he has NEVER once laid and angry hand to me. It just infuriates me that they think this is ok. I realize that we are looked as property to some and I do remember being afraid to leave my ex. It's not that we enjoyed staying and getting the crap beat out of us. It was of fear of what he would do if we left, if I took our child. What he would do to her etc. I just got a text and they are going to go and see a counselor for help.
    SweetPea726

    Comment by SweetPea726 (original poster) at 6:10 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Sweet, I know this is a stupid question, but does the military have the guys/gals go through any sort of counseling when they come home? I'm sorry your friend (and you) have went through this. I hope the counselor helps your friends.

    My friend (bestie) has told me a few times that her husband has laid hands upon her and it was all I could do not to go kick his ass. My hubby and I have only hit each other in anger once ... I slapped him while he was holding our son and he slapped me back. It rocked us both and it has never happened again. We have broken a few things, just not each other.

    I hope my first answer made sense. I wrote an essay on "the rule of thumb" for a class I had so it sticks in my head.
    SpiritedWitch

    Answer by SpiritedWitch at 6:28 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • I think it is insecurity and immaturity. I think a secure, mature man knows how to handle himself and his anger better than to hit someone in anger. That is something that you are taught at 2 an 3 years old, if a man has not learned it by the time he is grown, I have no hope of him learning and no respect for him as a man, he is still a boy. I have no time or room for boys.
    Bubbie0809

    Answer by Bubbie0809 at 6:30 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Because they are emotionally immature. Like a child throwing a temper tantrum.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 6:36 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • The same reason why women hit men. I know its not as common, but it happens.
    kgrine

    Answer by kgrine at 6:50 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

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