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3 Bumps

How long does it take do get a mom to accept a stepmom?

I have a really amazing relationship with SD (4) and SD (6). I have been married to DH for 1 year and in the kids lives for 2 years. I am always nice to her and make sure she knows that I know that she is mom. DH and I got together while they were going through the divorce (she was seeing someone too) and I am 14 years younger than her. I wonder if these things especially my super close relationship with Skids will prevent us from getting along...

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dlphnlvr820

Asked by dlphnlvr820 at 10:01 PM on Jun. 20, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 3 (16 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • 14 years younger?? damn whats the different between you & ur husband?
    are you the same age as her kids??
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 10:03 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • If you make conscious decisions to have a civil relationship with her then you will. I am sure she is feeling all sorts of things about you that are generally negative. In time, you can show her you are a stand up gal! Good luck, lady! :)
    Gingerwheel

    Answer by Gingerwheel at 10:05 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • yeah i was wondering the same thing
    amberpaiz

    Answer by amberpaiz at 10:05 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • I am 30 he is 45 kids are 4 and 6
    dlphnlvr820

    Comment by dlphnlvr820 (original poster) at 10:05 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • There is no clear cut answer for this, it depends on the person and the situation. Being a stepmom is rough business especially since you are so much younger than her, age issues like that always cause friction.
    GomezMami2908

    Answer by GomezMami2908 at 10:05 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • Sometimes you may never get along. I have an almost 15 year old step daughter, I've help my husband raise her since she was 2 1/2. I've always respected the step mom vs. biological mom boudaries, I've always respected her even though we do not see eye to eye. We don't get along, she has mad life somewhat difficult for all of us including her own child so needless to say we do not get along. We stopped speaking completely November of 2010 after finally saying that I've had enough and stood up for myself. Good luck. Always remember to be the better person even when buttons are pushed both ways, and never lose the focus that what matters above and beyond the dislike for each other is the kids, plain and simple.
    LuvmyFam6

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 10:09 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • I think that's more of a "whatever your personal situation is" type answer. I do not get along with DH's ex and never will. I'm the SM, I've tried to be decent and do things to make things simpler for her when I saw an opportunity, but she lashed out in some way every time...I did not sink to her level but, I stopped worrying about it and I just don't make an effort anymore. My DH agreed also. You can't be nice to people who don't know what nice is(that's what he told me) ...in this case.
    GL with yours though!!! :-)
    KellyGirl_TX

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 10:10 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • I doubt her concern is that YOU know she's the mom; she's probably more concerned that her kids know it, that you're not the cooler, younger stepmom who's going to be more fun. It's important than you continue to be friendly and respectful of her, that you support herin conversation with the kids (kids unknowingly complicate things with the simplest statements), that you share stories about good or interesting things that the kids do when they're with you and their dad, that you recognize her efforts in raising them. I still made efforts to do those things, though, or compliment and thank her when she's done their hair nicely, etc. Olga used to roll her eyes at me every time I saw her (annoying!), but she's come around. We can even enjoy pleasant conversation at tradeoff. :) Just remember, too, that she probably has them for the day-to-day, monotonous, disciplne routine, and dad usually gets fun weekends.
    BethLopez

    Answer by BethLopez at 10:18 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • We actually have 50/50 custody but good advice!
    dlphnlvr820

    Comment by dlphnlvr820 (original poster) at 10:19 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

  • It depends on the maturity of the women involved I think.
    sugamama3

    Answer by sugamama3 at 10:24 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

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