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4 Bumps

Favors.... is there a limit???

My husband's idea of doing favors is very different from mine, I think people should do favors if they can without making any radical changes to their schedules or lives; he disagrees with me. He has cancelled appointments, we have been late to school, I have had to wait until early hours of the morning because he has been doing favors for someone in his family. Most of these favors are silly, like his brother is drunk so he has to go get him or his brother is tired so he has to go pick up his children from school, or his mother wants to go to somewhere and then he takes her but she changes her mind so he spends hours taking her wherever she wants to go. Once I had to go a class so I could start working and his sister showed up early in the morning askng him to take her to an Immigration appointment (which take forever) and of course he left, I could not go to my class because I did not have someone to babysit my children or a way to get to the class. Is it normal that he does not have any boundaries when it comes to this?? Is it normal that it bothers me??

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paufonseca

Asked by paufonseca at 4:23 AM on Jun. 21, 2011 in Relationships

Level 12 (781 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • There's a difference in doing favors for people, and becoming their door-mat.
    Keva1990

    Answer by Keva1990 at 4:25 AM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • I probably wouldn't say much about what he did for his Mom but that other stuff would get on my nerves and iwould say something.
    Sarah961

    Answer by Sarah961 at 4:30 AM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • I'd be bothered! He needs to realize that favors are fine, but you and his child are his FAMILY and should come first. Favors shouldn't interfere with how your family functions. Talk to him about it and be honest with how you feel. It's not fair to you that he puts his relatives first and not his immediate family.
    Tommyskitty

    Answer by Tommyskitty at 4:31 AM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • if he's doing good thing so you better encourage him and be very proud of his attitude . helping familly is not favoure for me but an obligation .. he's a good man .. and you're lucky wife ..what the case if he's sooo bad person and don wanna help any body else . ...how could be influence for ur kido bad ? think positif in life
    caramelH

    Answer by caramelH at 5:08 AM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • sounds like he needs to put you and your kids first. kinda sounds like people are taking advantage of him. there needs to be boundaries. i am always there for my mom and sister but my kids come first.
    mkdirector2011

    Answer by mkdirector2011 at 5:39 AM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • Your husband's first responsibility is to you & his children, especially since the favors he's doing are completely unnecessary. I mean, it isn't as though he's changing your family's schedule to take someone to the hospital or chemo or something like that! It sounds like his family takes advantage of him in the worst way and they've probably done this all his life, so he thinks it is normal. But he needs to focus first on his own well-being - which includes you & the kids.

    sweetpotato418

    Answer by sweetpotato418 at 6:22 AM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • Is he from an ethnicity that values these sort of things? This could be something he learned culturally.
    NightOwlMama

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 6:24 AM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • He sounds like does to much
    rinamomof2

    Answer by rinamomof2 at 7:22 AM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • yes it is normal for you to feel this way he needs to find his own boundaries in his life to say no. saying no can be hard i used to have that issue and now i realized that if i dont say no at times everyone else is controling my ,life and i want to live my life. talk to him and let him know that there are times it is ok to say yes and times that arent. he needs to be there for you and the kids too
    mom_of_1_me

    Answer by mom_of_1_me at 8:19 AM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • I think that he's letting his family walk all over him and it is normal that you are upset. He has his own family now. He needs to put those responsibilities 1st and they should understand that.
    Tink05215

    Answer by Tink05215 at 8:28 AM on Jun. 21, 2011

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