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Whos "fault" is it?? adult content

This will probably start a world of trouble...but oh well...
When a person cheats on their spouse...who's to blame? Obviously the one who's cheating, and assuming the "other" person knows about the husband/wife, they would be at fault, but I've also heard a lot of times that the other spouse in the marriage is partially at fault too. I'm NOT IN ANY WAY saying cheating is okay...but if there are problems in a relationship, I believe it takes two, and in that case wouldn't it be in part BOTH parties "fault".
Because, lets say cheating DIDNT occur...but the relationship was so strained or distant or whatever...that the couple decides to split up. Then, its okay to say it's BOTH parties responsibility for the problems and break up, but if one of them cheats first.....yes they're wrong for that, but how does that then excuse the responsibility of the spouse for his/her share of the problems in their relationship.
I also understand there will be cases on both sides...sometimes you just have a sex crazed freak that cant stay faithful. But, I'm talking about the classic "we lost our love somewhere and I somehow fell in love with someone else" situation. So, is JUST the cheater to blame, or both the cheater and his/her new partner, or are all three involved partially to blame??


Asked by Anonymous at 10:10 AM on Jun. 21, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • The ONLY person who is at fault is the person who is bound to the marriage and chooses to break those bonds. Not the partner who keeps their vows. Not the "other" person involved. It's that simple...

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 10:13 AM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • I think that there are different levels and kinds of responsibility and "fault" with this. First and foremost, the person with the most fault is the spouse who is cheating. They are the one who is choosing to have an affair, and break their vows and betray their marriage. If there's a problem in the relationship, you have the choice to talk about it / fix it, accept it, or end it. Cheating is not an acceptable solution.

    Next, there is often a certain level of responsibility with the spouse who was cheated on - NOT for the affair - again, that is the responsibility and fault of the spouse who cheated - but, unless your spouse is a total slime with no morals, there's a good chance that this happened because there was a problem in the marriage somewhere (again - affairs are NOT how to solve this) - and both people in the marriage have a responsibility for the health of the relationship.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:16 AM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • The person who cheats is to blame 100%, if your in a loveless relationship, you must end it, or if you fall for someone else, END your current relationship if your unhappy with your current partner, before seeing someone else. Thats my opinion :)

    Answer by kylie_bob at 10:20 AM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • cont

    So, say, a dh wants to spend time with you, wants you to go out with them or whatever, but you don't ever want to go, because "it's too hard to find a sitter", or you're always too tired to have sex, or whatever, then yes, you do open your marriage up to an affair - again - NOT that you are responsible for the affair - ONLY the cheating spouse has made that choice - but you do have responsibility for your marriage not being as healthy as it could be.

    As far as the "other woman" goes - I think it depends on if she knows if he was married or not. If she knew - and especially if she knows the wife - then yes, she's at fault. If she finds out he's married while they're dating and doesn't end it, again, she's at fault. If she didn't know, then no, she's not at fault.

    Number one though 99% of the "fault" is with the cheating spouse. Cheating is NEVER acceptable.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:20 AM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • Gee. There would be so many scenarios that its hard to tell.
    it all depends on the reason the person cheated.
    it all stems from a lack of communication between the married parties. Most times no one speaks up with their concerns/needs and looks for attention elsewhere.

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 10:13 AM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • I think there are a lot of different variable and it is not a one size fits all and is probably only able to be determined on a case by case basis, not saying it is right, just saying that there is a lot of reasons why and it is different for everyone as to why things end up the way they end up.

    Answer by 2boysnaprincess at 10:17 AM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • I believe that the person with the commitment is at fault, although it takes two to tango, the dance would not take place if there aren't two willing participants. There are scenarios where you fall in love with someone else along the way, but if this happens the admirable thing to do is speak out and end one relationship before starting another one.

    Answer by older at 10:17 AM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • Hope that makes sense - lol - it's sort of hard to explain what I mean with this typed out on a message board...

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:21 AM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • No that is something a cheater thinks or says to put the blame on someone else. If you're having problems, talk. If you don't get loads of time together as a couple, and I really don't know any adult couple who has jobs/school and children who can be the carefree couple they were before responsibility, set aside one night a week and be together after the kids go to sleep. There is no justification for cheating. None. An adult doesn't say, "my spouse ignores me (or whatever the case is) so I'm going to screw around." If you can put in the effort to finding someone to cheat with you can put effort into either fixing it with your spouse or going your separate ways. This is marriage and family, not high school.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 10:41 AM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • If they split that is a choice they both make. If one person cheats, that is a choice one person made to go outside of the marriage. Sounds to me like the OP is a cheater trying to make excuses.

    Answer by JLS2388 at 10:56 AM on Jun. 21, 2011