Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

Am i just too stupid?

Our lawn hasn't been mowed in 2 wks. Finally bought a mower ourselves, and dh dropped it off this morning. I noticed it was here, but no key. Called dh for the key."oh, I can't right now."

I can mow the damn lawn. Have mowed the lawn since I was 12.

I said, "dear, I'm gonna be mowing anyway, because I'm not about to wait til Sunday, and MAYBE you have an afternoon off."

"I'm just going to have to show you how to operate it."

"It's a mower?"

"No, much more than just a mower. I'll have to show you this evening if I have time."

Ok, don't think this would bother me as much if it actually made a difference if he was here or not. I'm not 5, and he's not a lawn mower mechanic (in any sense of the word... I sharpened the blades on our last one myself, every time they needed it) so if it broke down while he was here, he couldn't do anything anyway!

He was this way when we bought my jeep (Laredo). Didn't want me in it til he could show me how to use 4WD. This way when we bought the diesel, as if I had never driven a standard, nor pulled a trailer.

If I don't think I can easily figure it out, or don't know how to do it, I'm the first person to ask for help! But I know I can handle the mower for heaven's sake!

How can I present this to him without going all defensive, or just tolerating it? I'm tired of pretending it's ok for him to infantilize me, and believe that I'm incapable of doing anything on my own. He isn't this way with anyone else at all, and 6 years has been too long for this to continue. He knows I'm not dumb, or wimpy, or bull-headed. He knows I'm not young to now the rockpile, or the tree stump. I just want to now the damned yard while it is 70 out instead of 95! Help!

Answer Question

Asked by matobe at 12:08 PM on Jun. 21, 2011 in Relationships

Level 21 (10,174 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • no

    Answer by nau123 at 12:09 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • Of course you're not too stupid. I wonder, though, if it's not a matter of him treating you like you're stupid, but him wanting to feel like the man? A lot of people think mowing is the man's job, and maybe since you do it, this is his way of trying to kind of retain that manly role? Yes, it's insulting to you, but it might be something to consider. And if you decide that is what he's doing, then maybe it'll make it easier for you tolerate and let him do that to you, or you can sit down with him and make him understand that you don't think less of him because you mow and he doesn't.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 12:14 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • If he's anything like my dh....he's not thinking your too stupid..he's just a big kid and wants to operate the "new toy" first,lol.

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 12:17 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • There are many safety features on the newer mowers. In order to operate them, things have to be done in a certain order. Safety measures require that you operate them in very specific ways and each manufactures has a different set-up. Your husband was probably shown how to operate your mower, and he wants to be sure you understand. For instance, our new one requires that the throttle be wide open before you engage the blades. Otherwise, you can damage the engine on the mower. I don't think you husband thinks you are stupid, but he has just invested money in a new mower, and he probably wants to make sure it lasts a while.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:19 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • thats right! it is a new toy! he wants first crack at it!

    Answer by dancer at 12:26 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • @wendy: taking the trash out IS a man's job. Dh wont do it. Cleaning up his dog's mess is his responsibility, but he won't do it. He isn't threatened by anything I can or can't do, I noodle, (for catfish) and he won't. I jump my horse, he won't. I will get in the ocean, he won't. I don't know that it has so much to do with his manhood being insulted (he gets bowed up if someone says something he doesn't fully understand, that he could interpret as an insult of any kind) as it does taking the "upper hand."

    @Kim: he already took two laps around the yard!

    Comment by matobe (original poster) at 12:27 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • NannyB: It is the same mower we had, but a 60" cut instead of 48" and I put my dh on his first 4wheeler and his first dirtbike. I took him skiing, wakeboarding, and ice fishing for his first time. I'm not incapable.

    Comment by matobe (original poster) at 12:32 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • Matobe, you're not stupid. It's just classic Y Chromosome Defect.

    Tell him you're hiring a kid to mow the lawn this week. That'll get him moving.

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:49 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • I think you are handling it much better than me. I think the conversation coming from me might look more like "I can mow the f*ck*ng lawn, I'm not 5, I'm not a stooge, I can handle that monster all by myself. Give me the f*ck*ng key or mow it yourself TONIGHT when you get home."

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 12:54 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • Any way to call the store where it was bought or the manufactuer to get a replacement key? Say you lost it and you want another one? That way you have one with you at all times. That would also be a good idea for all future items that require a key.

    Answer by Sithpadawans at 1:17 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.