Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How many adoptees on Cafemom have adoption issues?

Please adoptee only answers. If you post as anon your answer doesn't hold water!!!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:21 PM on Dec. 12, 2008 in Adoption

Answers (38)
  • You aren't going to get many answers to this one. Most Adoptees are unaware of their adoption issues or will deny them. There's an adoptee in my support group that says she vehemently denied having adoption issues even when she was in hospital having her stomach pumped after a drug overdose.


    I find it amusing that you say anonymous answers hold no water when you posted the question anonymously.

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 10:13 AM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • I'm an adult adoptee and I would have to say that in all honesty, don't ALL members of the adoption triad have "adoption issues"? In other words, doesn't "living adoption" bring up issues that are different from families who weren't touched by adoption? Don't we all find ourselves at time having to deal with people's ideas that adoption is "different" or "less than" and gather ourselves together to defend the way adoption touched our family? As members of the triad who are adults (adoptive parents and birth parents) it is much easier to separate the ignorance of others from those comments.
    PortAngeles1969

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 1:29 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • For many adoptees, the persistent belief that adoption is "second best" or "the last resort" is internalized as a measure of themselves (that they are second best or last resort) and to a child's level of logic this fits very nicely with the fact that we were given away. Being "chosen" by adoptive parents is wonderful but does not remove the fact that we were "given away" by our birth family. Being able to process the "given away" is essential in order to deal with the constant reminders by society that adoption is "different".
    PortAngeles1969

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 1:29 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • And yes, I do have adoption issues! I'm not angy, or bitter or resentful, or ungrateful at all. But I don't have a choice but to HAVE adoption issues - I'm an adoptee :)

    I'm bright, successful, caring, resourceful and love my life. I have children, and a grandchild and all the things that society would say measures a "sucessful grown up adoptee". But to say that I should only claim those things is not an accurate representation of all of who I am. I still hurt that my "luck of birth" involved being separated from my original family. Even if I find that they were truly incapable of caring for me - it's still sad. In a perfect world there would be no need for children to be separated from their family - we don't live in a perfect world. It's sad and to not be able acknowledge that as an adoptee only holds us back from fully accepting all of who we are.
    PortAngeles1969

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 1:35 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • Everyone who knows me, knows about my adoption issues. My issues were made public when my adoptive father was on trial for sexually molesting and raping me as a child. I've gotten over those issues though; when he was found guilty and sentenced to prison for a minimum 15 years and I was able to tell him to his face, in front of the court that I forgave him. I talk very openly about what happened to me, why I was placed for adoption when I was 6 years old and how I have reunited with my birth family. We are in the process of my birth mother adopting me back as her daughter.

    As the PP said, everyone who has been adopted has some sort of "adoption issues". To what extent though remains to be seen with most. I know some people that never knew until they were adults that they had been adopted. Before knowing they never had "issues", but once they found out, the issues emerged.
    boizmom

    Answer by boizmom at 5:00 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • ALL people have some sort of issues in their lives. Its called life. Adoption isn't the exception.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:18 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • LOL onethentwins, I didn't notice that they posted anonymous themselves. hm. Interesting.
    babycakes254

    Answer by babycakes254 at 5:20 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • From Onethentwins
    "I find it amusing that you say anonymous answers hold no water when you posted the question anonymously"

    I am the OP and I did think of that after I posted...I agree that was hypocritical...I just pray for honest answers!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:32 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • Quoted from onethentwins: There's an adoptee in my support group that says she vehemently denied having adoption issues even when she was in hospital having her stomach pumped after a drug overdose.

    Yes, this person seems to have issues, but yet why assume the issues are due to ADOPTION? There are people getting their stomach pumped after drug overdoses more often than I care to know about and I'm sure it's not because they all have adoption issues.

    Obviously adoptees have one thing on their plate that non-adoptees do not have, but yet I have to admit that I question if things like the example onethentwins gave is a side effect of adoption or just a side effect of life, KWIM?
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 12:31 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • I know many children/adults who have had some issues with their adoption from various different reasons. But I know several adults who have ZERO adoption issuses. None. Not a one. They are satisfied. I don't think my friends would be a the type to lie. Nor one in particular in denile, she's a therapist and very real about her feelings. She lets its all hang out. Very fun lady but also extremely honest about her adoption non issues if you ask her. Her "issue" is people assuming she has "issues" and her second beef is when people ask her if she ever tried to find her "real" mom - which she doesn't intend to ever do. She's complete the way she is now. But to say EVERY adoptee has an issue/issues is a little much. As in, you don't know every single adoptee in the world. Many do, but there are some that do not.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 1:44 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN