Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Absolutely zero sex drive

and i don't really care to do anything about it. i'm not interested in the least and DH freaks about it. he constantly gets drunk enough that he will just grope and whine about it until i give in just to shut him up.

the question is: do i really have to care? i used to enjoy it but now it's like, well if we're not having anymore babies then what do i want to spend all that time for? it's so monotonous, he's fat and i'm just not interested in "spicing " anything up. i just want him to leave me the hell alone.

if i wasn't so against porn in general i'd just tell him to get his rocks off that way. but that would also disgust me.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:36 PM on Jun. 21, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • If you love your husband and want to keep your marriage together, yes, you have to care.

    I'm on the other side of this predicament, so I have no advice for you, other than it really hurts when your spouse doesn't want you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:38 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • i guess that is the answer, because if i'm completely honest with myself i don't really want to keep the marriage together. i'm not all that attracted to him anymore

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:40 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • Im only 22 and I am the same way. Being so young it's a big issue in my relationship. My BF has a high sex drive and any little kiss I give him or if I just put my hand on his lap or run my fingers through his hair or anything gets him in the mood and ready to go at it. We constantly bicker about that... IDK what to do. I do it a lot because I feel bad for him, but I don't care for it at all...

    Answer by Tiffany.P at 2:41 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • Maybe you should talk to a doctor or a counselor or someone else. I dont think its normal to all of a sudden have no sex drive. And men love sex...and I bet it really hurts his ego and feelings that his wife no longer wants to be intimate. There are two people to think about here.

    Answer by Tarrar at 2:42 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • Yes, you have to care. He is your husband. No wonder the man gets drunk. Do you not know that he knows you find him totally disgusting and do you not know that he has feelings, too? Have you ever thought that he's let himself go because he knows he isn't loved by his own wife? And since when is sex only for the purpose of making babies? I think you should seek out the help of a counselor and apologize to your husband for being mean to him. Not having as vibrant a sex drive as you once did is understandable, but the rest of this indicates a much deeper problem. I don't want to be mean, but I feel more sorry for your husband than for you. I'm not a drinker and I don't condone drunkenness, but I think I understand why your husband may have the need to drown his sorrows or at least to dull his senses.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:44 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • Sex is a vital part of a relationship so somehow you have to work on this. You may decide you do not want to be with him anymore. You could try putting more red or orange in your bedroom and the scents vanilla, jasmine or ylang ylang increase a woman's sex drive.

    Answer by Gingerwheel at 2:45 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • I need some ideas to increase my sex drive too. Since I had our son...11 months ago.... I could care less about sex. But I do love my fiance and have tried for him. If you don't love your hubby anymore ya'll should try talking. Talk about what's not making you happy and he can tell you about his issues too. Marriage is work and you said in your vows for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. Talk to him about eating healthier, do it together. If you have to, try couseling to help talk things out. You owe it to yourself and to your hubby to try and be happy again. GL

    Answer by CollinsMommy729 at 2:54 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • If you don't want to be married to him you should really tell him. It's not fair to him or you. I was in a similar situation but the other way around. My ex HB would never hug or cuddle or want to have sex with me but he would never tell me why. We went to counseling and he convinced the counselor that it was because he was depressed about work. He wasn't depressed. He hung out with friends and did other stuff he wanted to do without any issue. I just felt awful. Finally after 2 years I told him I wanted out. I couldn't go on in a marriage without intimacy of any kind. After we got divorced he finally told me he didn't love me anymore. I wish he would've told me that a lot sooner!

    Answer by not-the-momma at 4:08 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • Sex, for men, is like air- it's not a big deal till you're not getting any.
    In a man's mind, if you aren't screwing him, then you don't love him.
    Sounds like you're resentful about the drinking as well as other issues. Figure them out or move on!

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 1:14 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I am the same way. I went w/out for 2 years and had no problems(never missed it). I was also divorced(still am) but trying to reconcile. Even during the marriage I could go w/out,a sexless night was a peaceful night. This issuee did not disolve the marriage,his drinking/drug use did

    Answer by RobinChristine at 3:40 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.