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3 Bumps

I m sick of people been hurtful

im tryin for a baby number 2 for a long time and i m sick of friends askin when am i gettin a sister or brother or other smart remarks ,tellin me a only child is a lonely child. why cant they mind their own business.i no they dont no i have problems conceivin but one of them is really pissin me off.i cant deal with this as i have a lot of other things thats needs lookin after .i need some smart answers that i could say bk.i am a very private person so i keep my business to myself.

Answer Question
 
caroline565

Asked by caroline565 at 4:55 PM on Jun. 21, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 6 (133 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • How old is your other LO? Could you use "I don't want two in diapers at once" ?
    dixie383

    Answer by dixie383 at 4:57 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • I'd say 'Well, since you think it's your business what I do with my uterus, why don't you just come by next time so you can watch and give out pointers.'
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 4:59 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • Hugs!! I would say something like " it really is not your business and I prefer not to discuss the matter with you". And then change the subject. Do this often enough and they will get the hint.
    For those who you are very close to you may want to say something like "You know I love you, and I know you mean well and I don't want to hurt you with what I have to say. This is a very sensitive and painful subject for me and I really don't want to talk about it at this time. I hope you understand."
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 5:03 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • They probably don't understand that a woman can have a child and have problems getting pregnant again. They may think you are wavering on timing or even not sure if you want 2 or more children. I know my ILs started that right away, with "it's not a family till there are at least 3 kids", they want to get you on board for as many as possible. They just don't know it can hurt if they've never been there.

    I'd agree that you want a strong "we don't want to discuss" for most people, and for those you're closer to, MizLee's answer is both kind and firm.

    good luck!
    Tracys2

    Answer by Tracys2 at 5:16 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • just ignore people who don't know any better. don't bring yourself down to their level of childness.
    artsygirl2010

    Answer by artsygirl2010 at 5:19 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • I had trouble conceiving our second child...in fact I am only 7 weeks a long now. I used to tell people "I'll have another one when I have it" and change the subject. Even when said with smile, it doesn't leave a lot of room for argument or discussion.
    asmcbride

    Answer by asmcbride at 5:22 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • my dd is 4 years old and i am 40 years old so time is runnin out.idont speak my mind i wish i could but i am very self proud . i was on med with my tirst child.not so lucky so far this time round.thanks for your advice.
    caroline565

    Comment by caroline565 (original poster) at 5:31 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • You need to open up only as far as your comfortable. We had trouble conceiving our first. We did go through fertility treatments, although we eventually did without medical intervention. It got to the point where I just started telling people at a high level, "I'd love to have one, but apparently my body has other ideas."

    Sometimes I'd have a person I was close to who did know tell someone else I wasn't as close to. She'd gently tell them to layoff because our lack of baby wasn't by choice.

    I admit to getting snarky with some: "I'm waiting for you to get pregnant first." or "I am holding out just because it seems to piss you off so much." :) Most people, though, I'd just smile demurely and say "I appreciate your concern on this manner, but frankly, it's a personal thing between DH and I. We'll have that baby when and if it's the right time for us whether by design or decision. I would hope you could respect that."
    ldmrmom

    Answer by ldmrmom at 6:28 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

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