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2 Bumps

My son is a completely different person at home than daycare .... what can I do?

I took a job as a preschool teacher. And my oldest is in the 2 yr old room, so there is just a divider between my room and his. He is pretty much wonderful there. The boy I would love him to be at home. But at home .... he is the master fit thrower. I am talking within minutes of him waking sometimes. He is literally pissed off about the cup I put his juice in, the juice we have to drink, too much in his cup, etc. Get what I'm saying. He screams like a maniac LOL I have to get ready for work so I obviously ignore him. Then in the evening it's same thing. Fits over what bowl he got at dinner, that it's too much, not enough, not warm enough, too hot. I know it's a control thing.
Here's the other part. His dad is military and a pilot, so gone for days to weeks at a time. Been this way our children's entire life. We know it doesn't help, but it is what it is. Our son also comes from a long line of head strong indivuals ... my husband says, You're a bitch and I'm a dick, why are you suprised that he wants control.
How long will it last?? LOL Another year? Just in time for our other son, who is exactly a year younger, to pick up this crazy behavior. We ignore it, remain calm, his fits can and have lasted over a half hour. Which to me is a bit long. 15 minutes, but a half hour???
Any help. Any one been there?

 
2BlondeBabies

Asked by 2BlondeBabies at 9:40 PM on Jun. 21, 2011 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 25 (23,069 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • Can you change your routine to reduce stress, and can you provide him more opportunities to relieve stress? For instance, if you are in a hurry in the morning, can you plan more at night? Can you pack lunches the night before, or lay out clothes the night before? Can you get up earlier in the morning, so you can have time to cuddle the child and read him a story in the rocking chair before making him get dressed? And in the evening, can you give him a snack right away, and play with him for a while, before making dinner? Can you take him to a playground or sandbox on the way home from Day Care, and let him run off some steam? What about taking him for a walk?
    If you need more suggestions, I'd recommend "Happy Child Guide" which is online and has some free downloads. Some children do NOT respond well to time-outs and discipline. This guide offers alternatives.
    Good luck!
    LoreleiSieja

    Answer by LoreleiSieja at 2:09 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I give the daycare kids choices and they get to decide what bowl or cup they want to use. I have a few choices of juices and at meal/snack time they get to choose where they want to sit. I also have smaller jugs that can you buy at Walmart to put the juice and milk in so the kids can pour the amount they want in their cup. It saves me time, energy, and allows the kids to learn a life skill. Let him decide which outfit he wants to wear. Either this one or that one.
    I have learned that when you allow them to make little decisions they don't throw fits over every little thing. I have an 8h year and a 2 year old of my own and soon to be a 3rd baby due in July.
    lady-J-Rock

    Answer by lady-J-Rock at 10:16 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • A lot of parents say their children are better at day care than at home! There can be a lot of different reasons for that, and only you can figure out which it is. He is reacting to something, and giving him more choices might not solve anything. He could be reacting badly because a) he has a need (real or imagined) that is not being met. Or b) he does not understand the rules or what you expect from him. Or c) he is under too much stress to think clearly.
    The need issue could be that he is hungry, thirsty, or feels unloved or lonely. This isn't about him actually BEING unloved, but that he feels that way. If you can discover what need isn't being met, and meet it, his behavior may change. Often, though, the cause of bad behavior at home is #3 - stress. In the morning you might be in a hurry, and he senses that, and reacts badly. In the evening you are tired, he's tired, and you have work to do, and he reacts badly.(Cont)
    LoreleiSieja

    Answer by LoreleiSieja at 2:06 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I agree with the previous posters. I know it's hard when you're in a hurry (I have a 2 year old, a one month old, AND just started working from home), but it's important to make your child feel like he's getting your attention. Part of the reason he could be throwing fits is because he wants your attention anyway that he can get it. At daycare he gets to play with other kids and doesn't crave that attention as much. I include my son with everything I'm doing unless he chooses to have some independent play time. If I'm nursing my daughter, he's welcome to sit with us and talk or watch TV. I always try to make sure that besides his obvious needs to eat, drink, and be clean, that he also gets his emotion needs met as well. It's hard sometimes when the new baby is being fussy, but I've noticed that if I put in the extra effort to give me son whatever attention I can (from a kiss or hug just because to making sure to notice when...
    ours

    Answer by ours at 10:25 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • ...he does something good by telling him), he's a MUCH easier toddler. He still has his fits though and that's when I think about if I'm doing anything wrong first. If he honestly is just being grouchy and wanting his way when it's just not going to happen, he gets a timeout. Nothing serious, just some time alone in his room. Most of the time it's more for my benefit than his haha, but it does help stop the bad behavior sometimes. About the choices thing, DO IT! My son looooves when I give him choices and you can still be the one in control. Make sure the choices you offer are things that you're okay with. :] I do this for movies, snacks, drinks, clothes, etc. It makes life so much easier!
    ours

    Answer by ours at 10:29 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

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