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2 Bumps

How do you get over the fear of leaving home to be with someone?

My ex-husband was an abusive controlling prick - even though we stayed in our home town I was slowly but surely cut off from friends and family, looking back now I realize he started distancing me from my friends almost from the very day we started dating though obviously it took a little longer to pull me away from my family but at the time I wasn't thrilled with anyone in my family and it wasn't real difficult to pull me away from them. Thankfully I got out and hope the damage doesn't permanently affect my two daughters.

Now I'm close with my family and have some good friends. I have a good job working for a friend and finished college - I did all this while being a single mom with an ex-husband who fought bitterly over custody of our older daughter and dragged out the divorce as long as possible even though he was with someone else immediately after I left him. Anyway I worked hard to get to where I am and I honestly do have a lot of home town pride, I love it here and now both of my daughters have started school in the same elementary school I went to and it holds a lot of great memories for me. The issue is I've been dating a guy who lives in Hollywood, CA - almost 3,000 miles away and we've been splitting time. For the most part he comes here and stays with me since my kids had school. According to my court order my ex-husband gets the kids for the entire month of July...during this time my SO wants me to come stay with him in CA and when I get the kids back August 1st he wants them to come as well and he's hoping during those two months he'll be able to convince me to move in with him permanently. I know him moving here is something he'll never do, and I understand his reasons. He makes enough money to where I could be a SAHM again or he could easily find me work with all the people he knows - he already lined me up a part time job for the summer since I told him I didn't want to just sit around his house while he's at work and its a great job too. My kids adore him as much as I do and he has always treated them like his own kids.

He even worked out the travel details for when my ex wants to see my kids - technically my ex is allowed every other weekend but he has never been interested in seeing them more than one weekend every few months and for every weekend he refuses I have a written statement from him saying he chose not to take them. There is nothing in the court papers that bar me from moving away (especially since my ex moved out of state too, though only 200 miles away - not 3,000).

I love this man and want to be with him, I can't describe the feeling that comes over me when he talks about a future that includes wedding bells and another kid or two. I just don't know how to deal with the paralyzing fear that comes over me with the thought of being so far away from friends, family and my home.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:53 PM on Jun. 21, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • Hell, jump in and just do it! He sounds like a nice guy.

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 9:57 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • I know how you feel trust me, but on even further distance, I moved from Australia to the US leaving all my life long friends and family and knowing no one but my husband and his family (my then fiance) you know what, you miss them like crazy and at times its hard but you have to do what you have to do, and its all part of lifes travels..........I lived there for 8 years, we now all moved back to Australia 2 years ago, so now we are away from my husbands side, but one thing with the internet etc the world is a much smaller place and at least your still in the same country so you and your family can make trips sure its something you want to do though, otherwise you will be miserable.....I am not sure how long you have been dating this man but just be sure your not rushing into anything, otherwise you will be fine!!!!

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 10:02 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • Wow, I thought I was reading my whole life story on here lol. There is your happiness to consider and you sound like you have everything in control and organized and I am sure you will regret it if you do not take this chance. Life is too short so I say GO FOR IT and go on and be happy YOU DESERVE IT!!!

    Answer by PatriciaofMN at 10:06 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • Just follow ur heart

    Answer by smiley745 at 10:55 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • I have moved 19 times now. The 1st time is the hardest. The way to look at it is that you will always have these friends and know the people you know now. This is an opportunity too meet new people and make more friends. You won't know how good it could be unless you try. Fear comes from the unknown, just take each day and don't worry about the rest. Life is too short to be paralyzed by future or past tripping. go for your dreams and don't let anything stop you. You can always come back to where you are now, but how many times will this opportunity come up? If this relationship has just been long distance, give it time to make sure you know each other before jumping into it with all you've got. Getting to know someone takes time and it is easy to rebound. Take it slow. Excitement can be blinding. Do not rush into anything. All relationships are great in the beginning. GL

    Answer by LeJane at 11:00 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

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