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2 Bumps

Do I leave or do I stay?

I have known this man since I was 17. We've been together for 6 years off and on. We have a 4 year old son together. When we first got together our relationship was AMAZING, we did everything together. Right before our 3rd anniversary we split up for a year and a half. In that time he had two relationships and one involving a child. (We don't honestly know if the child is his or not.) We recently split up again and now he is talking to another woman. I have been staying here at his house with him even though he is talking to this other person, I don't think that she knows that I have been here. Right now we are friends with benefits, I guess you would say. We sleep in the same bed together, I wash his laundry, make him meals, and go places together. I am so confused as to what to do...stay or leave him forever. I love this man with all of my heart and I just feel hurt and used because of the situation. We don't talk about us or our situation. He texts this female right in front of me and it makes me upset. I don't know how or what to say to him to make him understand that I am here for him and want to have our family back.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:03 PM on Jun. 21, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • Communication is the core for any relationship. Do not be afraid to talk to him, but have no expectations. Look at him and speak to him as a friend would and be direct and honest. No games or expecting him to understand "how you feel". Tell him. It will help no matter what the outcome. Sometimes people grow apart- for your childs' sake it will help if you can respect and support each other even if things change. On the flip side, if he is just your friend, he can do things for himself. You don't need to "mother" him. :-) Good Luck
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 11:09 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • First off, STOP SLEEPING WITH HIM. He has the best of both worlds. 2 women!!! Tell him how you feel and let him know he can't have it both ways. If he wants to make things work with you then he needs to put in the effort to do so and cut this other woman off.
    zoomomto3

    Answer by zoomomto3 at 11:11 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • Why should he? He has it both ways now.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 11:07 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • Oh dear. When you moved back in were no boundaries set or did you believe you would reunite? I would want to know how he feels about me and if only as a friend then the 'benefits' would stop as it would not be fair on emotions if he didn't want to be with me. If he still cared and wanted to try again I would take it slowly and there would be no dating on either side. He's doing this because you're allowing him to. It's hard when you love someone and want to be with them and harder when children involved, but you deserve to spend your life with a man that will reciprocate your love and give you the respect that's rightly yours.
    ItsHalfFull

    Answer by ItsHalfFull at 11:11 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • Honestly it sounds like the two of you are in a more than friends with benefits relationship, so what you have to decide is if you want to do this for the rest of your life. First thing even though it may be uncomfortable you need to talk to him about what you both want out of this relationship and tell him when he hurts you. If he doesn't respect you enough to at least attempt to hide his other relationships then he probably doesn't care for you the way the you care for him. If that is the case you should take your son and start fresh with someone who will love and respect you.
    amandajoy21

    Answer by amandajoy21 at 11:11 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • You need to stop sleeping with him and talk to him!! He is getting both the cake and he is eating it to!!! Tell him how you feel and how you love him and want to be with him and only him and tell him that you want him to be with you and only you!! If he still talks to this other girl i would leave him because that means he doesnt have the respect he needs to have for your your relationship!!!
    ljmommy1211

    Answer by ljmommy1211 at 11:20 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • He having his cake and pie together.And your letting him do this to you.Why do you want to live in his house and allow him to do you this way?I would leave and never look back.You deserve better.
    alisha34886

    Answer by alisha34886 at 11:26 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • I'm so sorry you're in this situation. You must feel like he's cheating on you everytime he texts her or goes on about his day and you have no clue where he is...

    Maybe you should start searching for another place to live. Maybe that will motivate you to move on. Knowing that you and your son will have a home that's free of all this.

    I'm in a somewhat similar situation. SO n I are having problems. We don't sleep together and he's not seeing other people, but we only talk like if we're roommates and not partners. This week, we'll be going to couples counseling. The only thing holding me together is the thought that if this doesn't work out, I will go out and live on my own with my son and we will be free of all these ugly feelings.
    Vero0724

    Answer by Vero0724 at 12:08 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • Don't mean to sound rude but re-read your post & then think to yourself what you should do & how you think you should be treated... LEAVE!!!! =)
    VanillaBlondie8

    Answer by VanillaBlondie8 at 11:25 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • Sometimes the hardest things to do is let go of someone or something we love the most. If it is making you unhappy it will affect the way you parent and that just isn't worth it. Life is full of changes you got to roll with them or get run over standing still.

    griefstrickin

    Answer by griefstrickin at 11:40 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

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