Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

How can I get used to my ex's new girlfriend being around my kids?

My ex and I are in the process of a divorce. We have been seperated since August. He now has a girlfriend and brings her around my kids. I don't care if he has a gf, but the thought of someone else being around my kids kills me. I am so beyond afraid that they will like her better than me. I know this sounds very immature, but that is how I feel. He tells me how everyone likes her. That she is nurturing, kind, smart and funny and that I the kids will someday see her for what she is and me for what I am (crazy). As a result, I act out of control. I do not know how to get past this.

Answer Question

Asked by gavcar at 11:33 PM on Jun. 21, 2011 in Relationships

Level 2 (7 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I am not sure what to tell you to help... but i totally understand... if i got divorced and my husband had another woman around my kids, i can imagine all of the emotions I would feel...

    I guess you can just be glad she isnt mean to them?

    Answer by 2lilbumblebees at 11:36 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • The same way your ex would have to get use to your new man (when you get one) being around your kids, and you should actually be greatful she is nice to your kids cause usually alot of women aren't nice to the kids. I know it's hard but it's bound to happen that your ex moves on and finds someone & that your kids are going to be around her just like they will have to be around your new man. See goes both ways =)

    Answer by VanillaBlondie8 at 11:40 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • Wow I know how you feel now that Im about to be a mom but at the same time I know how it is being the girlfriend too, With my man..I would never step on his bby mamas toes and try to act like his daughters mom or anything but she would freak out and tell him that their daughter wouldnt even be allowed in my car or anything so I just only on occassion will see his daughter but most of the time I just have to give him his space with his daughter and let them hang out together so I think you have the right to set boundries but at the same time you cant keep your kids from their dad so you just gotta let him see them and not worry about it. I remember when i was brought around my dads girlfriends when I was younger and I smile and get along with them but I never ever would compare them to my mom so I think you should be ok ;)

    Answer by MissAmazingg at 11:42 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • I haven't met anyone, so that is probably why I am so insanely jealous that my kids will like her better than me.

    Comment by gavcar (original poster) at 11:44 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • Well, just keep on going, and don't say anything negative about the other woman. Just keep calm and don't let anyone know how much she bothers you. If you do, you WILL look crazy.

    Answer by monstersmommy20 at 12:24 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I think your ex is still trying to mess with your mind by saying such horrid stuff about you being crazy. You should ignore him when he says that stuff. Even if you have to fake it, act like it doesn't bother you and ignore, ignore, ignore. Chances are she isn't that wonderful, he is just saying it all to get to you cause he knows how to push your buttons. As long as she isn't mean or abusive towards the children, doesn't try to take over as mommy, then ignore them and start living your life. Get some therapy, find some places to go when you don't have the kids and even try a dating site. If you aren't ready for a relationship, then get into some ladies clubs in your area. You have to stop focusing on what HE is doing and start living your life. It is the only way you are ever going to be happy.

    Answer by Sithpadawans at 11:40 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • Your ex is trying to get in your head and make you act crazy with jealousy. Ignore him. I have no advice on the jealousy issue. It must be normal. I would be glad if she treated my kids good.

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 11:48 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • Just be the best mom you know how to be with your kids...they will always love you and you will always be thier mommy..noone can ever take your place. This person your ex is seeing isn't any better than you are...don't let anyone put that into your head. Your ex is crazy for talking about the mother of his children that way.
    Try to put the thought of her out of your head.Move on with your life.Live and let live. Love your there for them..and everythign will work out fine. Time truly does heal and change people. Good Luck mama.

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 11:52 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • AWWW.. i'm sorry you are going through this- it is hard; i remember when my ex started bringing his new GF around my son very clearly & that was a long time ago- No Worries Momma, no matter how- Nurturing, Kind, Smart or Kind she is- there is Only One Beautiful Mommy to your kids & nothing will change that- i promise:)


    Answer by daisyb at 11:54 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • Well, it is okay to feel immature, but by all means do not act immature! He doesn't sound very empathic at all with your pain at having a broken marriage. He isn't feeling his pain right now, but he will down the road, and certainly your kids will.

    Answer by SecondMom59 at 1:52 PM on Jun. 22, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.