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How do I get used to my ex having his girlfriend around my kids?

My ex and I are in the process of a divorce. We have been seperated since August. He now has a girlfriend and brings her around my kids. I don't care if he has a gf, but the thought of someone else being around my kids kills me. I am so beyond afraid that they will like her better than me. I know this sounds very immature, but that is how I feel. He tells me how everyone likes her. That she is nurturing, kind, smart and funny and that I the kids will someday see her for what she is and me for what I am (crazy). As a result, I act out of control. I do not know how to get past this.

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Asked by gavcar at 11:39 PM on Jun. 21, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 2 (7 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I hear you. My ex married some chick named Tonya and all I heard from my kid was "Tonya this" and "Tonya that" but I realized I had to give my kid credit. After all, kids are not dumbasses and we are their mothers!

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 11:45 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • Did it take you a while to get used to it?

    Comment by gavcar (original poster) at 11:47 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • I can see how you would feel this way but be glad that others think she is a good person. If she is going to be with your ex, she will be in your kids lives. I would hate to think they would be with someone unkind and unloving. You are forever their mom, not her. Try and make the best of it for your kids sake.

    Answer by zoomomto3 at 11:49 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • I know it is hard at first but You will always be their mother and she cant take that away!! So dont be scared your kids will love you no matter what

    Answer by ljmommy1211 at 11:51 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • Im in almost the same situation , With me and my ex boyfriend . He gets to see the kids twice a month , and those two times a month , i dread , He has a girlfriend . who lives with him , and when he gets the kids , she's always there , She's a straight up Stuck up B*tch , Im not really worried about my kids liking her better , Because the problem i have with her is , She trys to parent my kids , which is a no , and she treats them badly , and shes mean , and doesnt give a flip about them , She yells at them for no reason , and Blames stuff on them , I would right more , but im getting mad , thinking about it , Ha , But uhm the only advice i can give you is , I dont think your kids will like her better , because they know your thier MOM , and im sure you have been by them from day one , sorry if its not much . Hope i helped , and good luck (:

    Answer by des11987 at 11:55 PM on Jun. 21, 2011

  • It's so hard and hearbreaking to go through, but if she's kind to your children and they like her appease yourself with them having another adult in your life that cares for them. Your ex should respect your feelings and be supportive after all he may have to experience the same feelings himself one day. As he's not being that way then you have to remember that your children only have one mom - YOU. Ignore his cruel and heartless comments - if he's pushing for the children to like her or ever saying bad stuff in front of them it will all come back to haunt him. He clearly is trying to hurt you - rise above if you can, be calm about it with your children and let them know it is okay to like her if they do. That's the best thing for them and IMHO will be the best for you in the long run as your children will draw strength from your resolve and support. You know you're a good mom - try not to let his bad behaviour impact...

    Answer by ItsHalfFull at 12:15 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • Just talking/writing about how I feel makes me feel better. Or at least get's that edge off. I know that my thinking is irrational, but once I get at it, it's really hard to stop and I just make things so much worse. My ex tells me that I'm a horrible person and I think I start to believe it and then start to act crazy. I'm kind of like a child......ughhhh

    Comment by gavcar (original poster) at 12:15 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • ...your life. Things very rarely are like we imagine them to be - try not to let your imagination play cruel tricks on you and make you fret over things you do not know are true. (((hugs)))

    Answer by ItsHalfFull at 12:17 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • Same thing happened to me. My daughter started talking and she would say my ex's gf's name...It killed me but then I realized my ex wouldnt have some bad chick around my daughter, i hope. And i accepted it. Yes it did put a damper on my heart. Especially when my daughter came home saying that my ex's gf was her second mommy i called my ex and asked why was he telling her that. he said he didnt. i told my ex she is too young to be told that and she can get confused. she'll make her decision to call her, her second mommy when she is older not now! but you just gotta except it and when or if u find someone vice-versa but o man when i got a bf and my daughter started saying his name it was the end of the world!

    Answer by shar-hulk at 9:40 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • That would be so hard for me too! I think I'd try to get my husband back!

    Answer by SecondMom59 at 10:09 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

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