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My exs wife

so my exs wife treats me like crap and for some reason she is the one that both her and my ex think i should talk to about our kids. recently she just caught me on a bad day to start stuff with me and i just went off on her and told them that i would no longer be speaking to her anymore but only my ex. and yet again they disrespect me and she is still the one trying to cummunicate about the kids. I allow them extra times with the kids. and accomidate visitation to his work schedule. let them have the kids for part of my thanksgiving and practicly accomidate them whenever however i can and both of them show me no respect.I am sooooooooooooooo fed up with it. and whenever i stand up for my self and say hey I am not going to allow all of these extras unless you do some of the things my way they tell me I am the bad mother for not letting them see them whenever however they want and they are even allowed to walk all over me. what am i suppose to do what can i do? I am soooooooooo tired of being treated like shit.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:11 AM on Jun. 22, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • I'd say she is just exherting some control to reinforce good feelings about her relationship with him. That said it is totally unacceptable as you are not at liberty to discuss any arrangements about your children with her, unless of course in her capacity of step-mother she cares for the children solely at times, in which case she may need to be involved. I would be inclined to say that if things cannot settle down to a mutually-acceptable way of communicating then you will have no other option than to insist on set days each week - drop off/collects etc at the same time every time. Even if you secretly don't really want that it might give you some control back. I know it's hard but try to remain calm and unaffected - you will bother them more that way. She prob loves that she's winding you up! Good luck!

    Answer by ItsHalfFull at 1:28 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • we have court papers that state a certain time but also states that if I am ok with it then we can change them. But I am nice enough to give them extra ect. and anytime I tell them no to the extras because you are not respecting me they tell me how horrible of a mother I am. I tell them it isnt my fault that his schedule isnt conducive to the papers and it is out of the kindness of my heart that i change it for his and the kids sakes. This scedule of whenever convient for them is in nooooooo way convient for me. But if i try to tell them that they still tell me how horrible of a person/mother if I make them go back to court ordered visitation. so i tell them ok well give me a little respect and i dont mind keeping this whenever schedule and a day later they are back treating me bad.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:37 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • Kudos to you for giving the kids the time & memories of the extras! Your between a rock & hard place huh...grr. I would suggest either keeping to the plan to minimize conflict & disrespect, until they change. When I had this problem, I would end the conversation by saying I will speak to you when you are ready to listen to me/ respect me that kind of thing, then I would say bye & hang up or walk away. It took a long while but it was effective, ex is no longer disrespectful or verbally rude. Or just continue as you have been, sharing kids whenever it works & keep conversation to a minimum. The kids are #1, and often the answer is easy if you think about what is the best for them, setting aside all your emotions and relationship with the co-parent. Good Luck! I know this is easier said then done...

    Answer by 1northwestmom at 1:38 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • She is likely measuring his love for her by how mean he is to you - sad, insecure woman. But the upshot is it's THEIR shit not yours - you're clearly not horrible as you're having the children extra to assist with his work patterns. First and foremost please try not to let yourself be hurt by their cruel comments - you're feeding the bears and giving them what they want. DON'T feed the bears, let them eat themselves cuz they will! I would maybe approach calmly and state that the ongoing destructive relations between you all is not good for the children and that you're keen to find a solution that works for all. I would firmly stare that you care not of their opinion of you but personal insults are not necessary and will no longer be tolerated. If things carry on as they are you will have no other option than to have the access arrangement reassessed to support things going forward. If an arrangement needs to be set up...

    Answer by ItsHalfFull at 1:51 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • ...where the children are collected and dropped off at a neutral place to avoid confrontation and name-calling from them, then so be it. Can you get a lawyer to write one letter for a fixed fee? I imagine it must be very hard for you, 2 against 1 but they're clearly bullies that know how to hurt you. Try to find a way that works for you to feel that you have some control of the situation. Please ignore their childish name-calling - if they're finding that entertaining how dull their life must be!! I hope you manage to get thru this. Be strong. All the best xx

    Answer by ItsHalfFull at 1:56 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • @itshalffull hahaha wow that was so funny about their lives being so dull. wow that cheered me up a bit thank you

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:00 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • Thats the spirit!! It's true -sad, sorry little people need to get out more. Theyre clearly intellectually stimulating each other so little that they need you to entertain them, haha!! BUT joking aside it's not funny if it's upsetting you, but maybe next time it happens you can smile smugly to yourself. I mean, purllleaasssse would you want your partners ex to think they were causing so many problems in your life?! I'm not sure who's pulling the strings here or why, but you keep smiling've got no reason to take any of their comments to heart. Rise above it - you're worth much more than that and they KNOW it! Take care x

    Answer by ItsHalfFull at 2:22 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I would start following the papers on visitation. Don't allow the extra time or whatever. Don't change the arrangements anymore. Let them know that you will be expecting them to follow the court ordered visitation... provide them with a copy if they don't have it and if they don't like it they can feel free to take you back to court to have it altered. As far as communitcation about the kids, it should between you and your ex. Not his wife.... she is just that, his wife. She has nothing to do with the divorce decree and child custody papers. I know that here in Michigan when my ex and his wife were giving me grief we went to the Friend of the Court and when they called us back his wife got up to go into the meeting and the mediator asked her who she was, she answered his wife. Well, the mediator said, you have nothing to do with this, you may wait here while this is settled with the child's parents....

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 2:34 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • thanks that was another concern i had with an upcomming review if she would be allowed in or not. I was hoping not with as much problems as she may try to start. Thank you both bcauseimthemom and itshalffull

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:53 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • You're welcome. Keep focused on what you want the outcome to be and look to the future.

    Answer by ItsHalfFull at 3:15 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

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