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How can i fix my broken marriage?

My DH and I have been together for almost six yrs now. Our sons 10 months old.

Ever since our LO came around its just been one fight after another. (Before, we NEVER fought.) I love him so much, I'm trying so hard to think from his point of view but I just don't get it. He has friends over at least 3 times a wk, usually until the early mornings. Him & his friends are huge on xbox games, and he's always drinking. Sometimes even on his lunch breaks hell drink a beer. Just one, so he's not getting dunk but still. It's been a week since we've had any alcohol in the house, I used to drink every night but we have a baby now, we can't be intoxicated all the time...

He says he wants me to be more adventerous sexually so I look up positions to try, I try to dominate him, to let him dominate me. I suggested a threesome, which he declined. I've watch porn to spice things up & to learn from it. After the pregnancy though, I've been so uncomfortable with myself I'm just not fully comfortable being naked. I try to be, and I try to pretend I am, but its just not working.

He goes out one to three nights a week to go to clubs & bars with his friends... I work full time and I get NO help around the house. Half the time I ask for help, he either says no, or gets angry while he does it. I tell him all the time how I miss him, I miss going out with him, and just spending time together. I've asked to get a babysitter so we could go play pool. (That used to be our thing, Wed go three times a week) hell say no bc were broke but that same wkend hell go to a bar. He says his friends buy him drinks but I know his friends and that theyre too broke to buy him that many drinks that many times.

I work full time but i have to get permission to go out bc of money and half the time its a no. There's even a school for hair stylistic around me so I can get cuts for free so all I need is $ to tip but he says were too broke so I can't even get haircuts.

He decided to quit cigarettes and wants me to, too. I agreed just bc I want to help him. But honestly quitting isn't something i had in mind at all and I'm a bit resentful for being made to feel I have to for him. I bought cigs the day after he told me, i honestly forgot, and he's so mad I'm making it hard for him. I apologized & told him I don't really want to quit so its going to be a bit more difficult for me. Plus I've smoked for 3 more years than he has...

I'm so frustrated but I keep trying. I've given up a lot to be with him, and I love him so much but I'm so tired of arguing & being angry. I keep trying to talk to him but he's not reciprocating. the last time I tried to explain why I'd been upset he told me "u dnt have to explain whats wrong, just stop being a bitch."

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:19 AM on Jun. 22, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • He also works two jobs, and has since a few weeks after our LO came along. I guess maybe its the combination of lack of money, negative bank accounts, two jobs, and quitting smoking... But I'm going through all of this with him so I just don't see why he doesn't understand my point of view. I've asked him to explain his to me but he doesn't seem to care about mine.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:23 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I would suggest counseling but he would say no its too expensive unless your insurance covers behavioral health. There are deep issues and until he can grow up and be a dad and admit he isn't being a responsible husband and father I don't know what can be done

    DianeMary

    Answer by DianeMary at 3:26 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • my husband cheated on me with my sis if i can get though that im sure u can get though this. and yes fights every single day ever senc our kids were born u just have to lean to help ach other out me and my husbandr just now leaning t cope and talk things out and we watch the kids so the other can nap... its hard though. but my hubby cheated on me when my son was 5 months old i think it is just aguy thing they get urges to be wild or to be care free better keep a eye on him fo sure!
    Creasman

    Answer by Creasman at 3:27 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • Sounds like he is trying to control you yet he wants his freedom. I would almost bet the farm that there is another woman in the picture....
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 3:31 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I'm sorry but....I think you're with someone who isn't really ready to "grow up" and become an adult yet. Babies come along but that can make things worse, unfortunately. Sounds like you're ahead of him and willing to grow up and take on responsibility. It just shows what's still most important to him. Alot of men work 2 jobs etc but ..they do it for their family. He's working & working but when he's off all he thinks about is fun. Atleast that's how it sounds to me. I'm not there...only you can know for sure. Sometimes guys can even be resentful (even though he may love the baby) , he can still be a little resentful that he's having to take all this on when he wasn't ready. You cannot fix THAT. HE has to fix that in himself. I'm sorry you're going through this. You need to make him have a serious talk ..tell him you need to find out where you stand exactly because you have a child that depends on & needs stability.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:34 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I know financial issues can put a lot of strain on a marriage, because it's tough for us too right now. But it sounds like it's more than money issues with him. I wish I could say that you can change him but from my experience (of being married 20 years), you can never change a man! I've been trying to fix my marriage for the last 9 years and have had no success. I wish you luck. (((((HUGS)))))
    Ashoonik

    Answer by Ashoonik at 3:39 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I've threatened to leave cried & I gave in. I've sat him down and weve talked for hours he cries says he feels terrible that he's a terrible husband, I never said that, he did... I told him I just miss the old us, I miss how happy we were, and miss time together. He promised he'd change, he'd work on things, but things changed for one or two days before going back. I'm so tired, I just want to he happy, I want to be able to make him happy... I don't know if I can any more. I try so hard, but I get nothing in return. I'm seriously depressed, I'm only happy when im with my son. I even am happy at work and sometimes I dread going home bc I kno well fight or I walk through the door and hear yet another reason he has to go out, birthday, friend moving, friend promoted...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:44 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • he seems very controling,if he has money to drink,you have money for haircut. maybe a trial seperation would snap him to attention
    RobinChristine

    Answer by RobinChristine at 3:45 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I think you did everything possible, the only way is to ignore and keeping quiete for sometime. He will think...
    Maro236

    Answer by Maro236 at 4:02 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I slept on the couch last night, I couldn't bring myself to go to bed while he was in it. He woke up, and just walked around me, neither of us saying anything not even goodbye...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:04 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

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