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Time for a divorce?

After 9 years and I've stood by him through it all. He refuses to better himself and blames the world for all his problems. He's a liar and can't keep a job for longer than a year because he lies and won't get to work on time. He's flunked out of 3 schools because I won't do his work anymore. He's cheated and keeps trying to do it again but at this point he's so fat and won't shower so no one wants him. He takes money from the bank without letting me know(I do bills) and overdraws our account on a regular basis. The sex SUCKS, despite asking him to try new things 5 YEARS ago he still hasn't. After the time he hired a prostitute, I cheated. Since he has no respect for me I'd do it again, I get no affection from him and don't want it. I don't like him anymore. We don't sleep in the same bed anymore. I DO have a degree to support myself. I worry for the kids, they love him.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:44 AM on Dec. 13, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • It sounds to me like you already have an answer in mind. Your children need to grow up in a positive atmosphere. If you are not happy, they feel it and know it. They need to grow up with examplesof what real love looks like between a mother and father, or else they will grow up and likely end up in relationships that look like yours. If you truly feel for your husband the way you describe, then I think you already know what you should do. Do what is best for you, and the kids will be OK.
    romeece

    Answer by romeece at 10:03 AM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • I should add, he doesn't want to leave. I've asked him to time and time again. He promises he'll change and he does for a week and is back to his old ways.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:46 AM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • I'm sorry for you.. I don't have a good answer.. but you deserve to be happy. and your children deserve to grown up in a positive atmosphere.. If you do separate there's s no reason that it can't be cordial. good luck!
    VictinaG

    Answer by VictinaG at 9:48 AM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • You should give him a set date to get help--whatever in your mind you think he needs. If not, give him a date to be out by. But before that get all your ducks in a row by contacting a lawyer and be prepared to carry it through. I am never for divorce--never--but I think there are times there is no other option--sounds to me like you are in one of those situations. You could tell him to move out by a certain date, file for a legal separation, and if he doesn't change in that time, file for divorce at the end of that year. Most lawyers will try to talk you into just filing for divorce, but if you want to give him a chance, file for a legal separation. You can't carry him. I would also suggest you get some help for yourself to figure out why you would feel the need to stay and be drained by such a man. Perhaps some co-dependency going on...

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:25 AM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • IT SEEM WE IN THE SAME BOAT. I WOULD LOVE TO CHAT WITH YOU MORE. IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND. I WOULD LIKE TO BE YOUR FRIEND. PERHAPES WE CAN HELP EACHOTHER.
    MIXED

    Answer by MIXED at 10:43 AM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • I think it is, but its your choice. but if you think that your relationship is only getting worse and you fight alot, and it seems like ur drifting farther and farther apart., then maybe it is time for divorce. you seem very unhappy. and he isn't even trying. and you'd both cheat in a heartbeat. whats the point of keeping the marriage alive. the kids can cope, you have to take care of urself then take care of them. good luck :)
    fefe87

    Answer by fefe87 at 10:46 AM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • Get on with your life already! dont let that pig drag you or your kids down anymore. Your in a better position then a lot of unhappy women, dont stay just because of him. He wont change
    collegemom1007

    Answer by collegemom1007 at 11:01 AM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • i think it is time..as my favorite Dr. says..Chiildren would rather be from a broken home than live in one..
    sydsmom2

    Answer by sydsmom2 at 11:12 AM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • This is the man you chose to marry and to be the father of your children. There are many things that you can do to help your own situation, and I don't believe that divorce is the answer. What you have described is a man with very low self-esteem and no self-confidence. Is there anyone who believes in him? Is there anyone who thinks he can be a better provider than he has been to date? Is there anyone who is telling him he is intelligent enough to do his own work? Is there anyone who compliments his good points? He surely has some or you would not have married him. I think that you hold the answers to solving much of your own problem.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:13 AM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • There are many things that you can do to help your own situation, and I don't believe that divorce is the answer. What you have described is a man with very low self-esteem and no self-confidence.

    That person was me. I have always told him those things. When that didn't help I gave him time limits. I've put him in counseling. I've made agreements. I tried. I thought he had those good points when I married him, everything was a lie. I still stuck by him even then and still no change. He's no better than he was 9 years ago. If he refuses to change what are the options? I'd love to hear them. I have 5 kids, it would be easier if I had someone with me but he takes more than he gives. Instead of working he's been spending nights with THREE women(roommates), we can't afford our bills and they aren't even sleeping with him. He just wants to be there. What kind of man is this?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:02 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

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