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Question for those who have been through verbal abuse

I am pretty sure my DH is verbally abusive. My question is was you husband ever nice or was he demeaning all the time? I am thinking about leaving him but there are times when he will do things with me and the kids and it makes me rethink leaving but then the same thing happens again. He gets mad at me for small things that I really don't even have control over but then he later cools off. It is confusing to me if I should try to stay. He doesn't speak to me or the kids much at all just sleeps or plays video games.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:16 AM on Jun. 22, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (20)
  • that is part of abuse
    a man can not be abusive all the time = it would not work, he has to "BE SORRY" for the woman to forgive , then he is mean again, it just is how it works

    no one would stay with a man who was abusive on the first date, it is a slow process, it increases over time, it wears down a womans self esteem, her sense of what is right or wrong gets all mixed up, an abuser will separate her from loved ones, less support she has = the more she needs to stay with him and with her self esteem so low, she has less options to leave, he may control the money=less options for her to leave when she feels she can
    it is a cycle
    make her feel powerless, separate her from her support, lower her self esteem
    CONTROL, cONTROL, CONTROL
    and making nice in between the abuse is part of the control

    was you husband ever nice or was he demeaning all the time?
    NO,
    it does not work that way, it couldn't, need both to control
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 7:22 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • My SO would be really mean, call me names or insult me, criticize everything about me or everything I did. Then, he would be super nice to me, and sometimes even act like absolutely nothing had happened. It would make me wonder if I were imagining it or overreacting or whatever. It took me a long time to finally realize and admit that that was exactly what he was doing and leave. From the stuff I've been reading, it's part of the pattern, part of the abuse: it makes you second guess yourself, which adds to the confusion, the pain, the lack of self esteem.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:25 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • Yeah he was real nice and then when I would say something during the nice periods take all of the stuff I said and throw it in my face when he was not nice. I think you should approach him about counseling? If not you should go yourself it helps that is how I started out and then it can help you decide what your next step should be. GL

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 7:25 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I am verbally abused by my 23 yr.old daughter who still lives at home. Verbal abuse, any kind of abuse, is never acceptable. I am I counseling with a phenomenal psychologist. Therefore, I suggest you do the same. Find a counselor, therapist, psychologist, someone to help you sort out your feelings and teach you how to avoid or handle your husband's verbal abuse. Suggest individual counseling for him as well. Later, invite him to accompany you for counselng. A professional can help you step back and reassess your relationship and marriage with your husband. I believe that divorce, like marriage, is a serious step to take and you need to be well-informed and given it a lot of thought before doing either.
    rosiemendo

    Answer by rosiemendo at 7:27 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I asked him about counseling but he won't go, he won't even talk to me. He shoos me away cause he is playing his game.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:29 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • been there in past with an abusive husband (EX)
    if you want to write me, feel free to
    maybe once you tell someone all the things that just do not fit, you will have a clearer picture
    when i was in a relationship like this, it took a long time before i got the strength to leave for good

    all the goods time inbetween the abusive times never makes the abuse ok

    there is a life without an abusive partner
    and
    it is a good life

    can not tell you how amazing i felt (even the first day) after i finally left him

    does he say the you are crazy?
    have your friends and family been separated from you over time?
    does he have control over the money?
    threaten you IF you ever were to think of leaving him?
    tells you lies, andmakes up ever increasingly stupid excuses?
    laughs at you when you cry?
    makes you think he may hit you? (if he has not already)
    turns the children against you?
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 7:31 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • Ending the relationship, esp. when there are kids are involved is never easy. He needs to know that you are seriously considering that & maybe he will reconsider going to couseling w/ you. Consistent verbal/emotional abuse can take it's toll on you & the kids. And he is distant & disconnected from the family, If he is not willing to work on those things, then that sends the message that he cannot be the type of father & husband you & the kids need. So then it's time to go your separate ways. I wish you all the luck & strength you will need, & hope the outcome is a positive one. GL! :) *Hugs*
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:38 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • Not only is he verbally abusive but he is choosing video games over his family and his marriage. It's his form of an addiction I'm almost positive. I've seen it a lot and dh struggled with his addiction to video games for a few years.
    If he's not willing to even put down the controller for you it's time to go.
    marine_wife0520

    Answer by marine_wife0520 at 7:45 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • leave for a weekend without telling him, let him know how serious you are. He'll do either 3 things, he'll be happy you're gone, he'll get upset & beg for forgiveness...or he'll get mad at you. If he's upset, tell him you won't come back home until he has agreed to counseling. He's not going to take you seriously until you show him how serious you really are.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 7:54 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I think samurai might be on the right track.........give him a scare
    Dahis

    Answer by Dahis at 7:56 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

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