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3 Bumps

Would you take a 4 year old to a family funeral?

Some of the relatives are bringing their small children, so my LO would be welcome and some might be disappointed he isn't there. I'm worried that it's too long and too emotional a day for him. A friend of mine has offered to keep him. He knows her well and plays with her little girl all the time. My dh isn't sure which he prefers, and says he'll support my choice.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:01 AM on Jun. 22, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (30)
  • No,not unless you're ready for the death talk
    The kid sees the body and gets confused and scared
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 11:05 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • My father passed away in Nov. and my DD was just under 3. I took her to the funeral and brought along a friend who could take her home if she got overwhelmed. Maybe you could ask your friend to come maybe an hour into it and keep her until everything is finished. And don't be afraid to bring a bag of activities and snacks for her as well.
    Kimedbs

    Answer by Kimedbs at 11:06 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • well, that is a personal choice because my nephews(one ws 4 at the time) went to my grandfather's funeral. but i also had family members come from florida that did not bring their small children so it depends. it was their greatgrandfather but it depends. they were excellently behaved. the wake was more like a reunion. but my granfather was a very happy person so he would of loved everyone to celebrate his life not death. bring some toys and quiet games and maybe they can just sit in the back and play. but if you feel better leaving your child. i say leave the child with the friend.
    lambdarose

    Answer by lambdarose at 11:07 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • If it is closed casket then yes I would take mine. Children tend to help in times like those.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 11:07 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • No
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:07 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I did. My son was 4 years when my grandfather passed away and for us it just was never a question. I could see your point about it being an emotional day though. Both my kids did fine. They didn't fuss or cry until the very end when I finally cried and my daughter, who was sitting with my mother, saw me and started wailing. By then the service was over though so it was not a problem. For us I think the little ones being there helped the adults. My mom and her brothers had their grandchildren there so it was easier in some way for them to say goodbye to their father.

    It's a personal decision. Go with what you think best. I think it's great your DH will support what you decide.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 11:07 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • how close were you to the family member? If you need to grieve at the funeral then I wouldn't take him.....That's a distraction you don't need if you need your own time. And you are right, it would be tiresome day for him. Although you say others are bringing their children and that might provide enough of a distraction.
    I did not bring my son to my grandmothers funeral, and yes ppl were disappointed, but I didn't really think anyone would help me with him so that I could say my good byes undistracted.
    I guess this is a pro and con answer. Hope it helps.
    hollydaze1974

    Answer by hollydaze1974 at 11:08 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • Yes.
    beckie66

    Answer by beckie66 at 11:09 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I just brought my 5 year old to my Aunt's. He was fine. It was hard, I was crying and I felt bad for him to see that, but after we all went to lunch and it was nice. It also was nice for my parents and the other people to have him there. I'm glad I took him.
    mompam

    Answer by mompam at 11:09 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • him, sorry
    Kimedbs

    Answer by Kimedbs at 11:11 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

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