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I need honest answers! Kinda long...

I have a son, Connor, that will be 2 on August 7th. Right after he was born and for a few months after, I said there was no way I would have anymore kids because A. I wasn't able to fathom how to take care of 2, and B. I just loved him too much to want to give another child my attention. Well as time has gone on and he's slipped out of the baby stage, I have decided I do definitely want at least 1 more. My problem is that I am still having issues with understanding how in the world you could ever love another child the same. My son and I are extremely close...he doesn't want anyone else but me (which I'm sure is the same with most kids) but we just have a really strong bond. He's also getting to the age where we can start taking him to do fun things that he'd enjoy and I'm going to feel bad if that all has to stop because we can't bring the baby.
I know that one day he'll appreciate having another sibling because I've heard a lot of only children say they wish they had one, but right now I don't think he'd be too happy and it would make me feel guilty. I have a gut feeling I might resent the baby or have problems giving it my attention. However, I don't want my son and his brother or sister to be too far apart in age that they won't be as close.
So my question is, do I want longer until my feelings change about having another baby, or do I suck it up and start trying now in the hopes that my feelings will change in the next 9 months, for the sake of them being close?

Answer Question

Asked by Ash9724 at 11:20 AM on Jun. 22, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 21 (11,107 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • All of it comes together once the 2nd one is here. What you are feeling is normal. Go for it.

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 11:21 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I think every mother feels that way. You will actually discover that you can love your children equally whether you have 2 or 10 or more. You will love them equally but differently. Each child will hold a special place in your heart for different reasons. You'll do fine.

    Answer by attap5 at 11:22 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • That is what most mommys go through, myself included. Just wait until you have that baby it will be like falling in love all over again. It just happens :) You'll be fine and so will your Conner.

    Answer by yesmaam at 11:22 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I would do what you want, not the child. I have three kids and love them all the same. I have different relationships with my two sons than my daughter, that's just normal. I agree having them close in age might help them being close when they get a bit older. Mine are 8, 10 and 12. It was rough when they were younger, but they are really close now. they fight off course, but they would do pretty much anything for each other.

    Answer by RelaxedMom2-3 at 11:24 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • Pretty normal feelings. I just want you to be aware of one thing: Closeness in age does NOT bring about closeness in emotion. Indeed, I've only known ONE set of siblings who were close in age who could stand each other into adulthood. Closest siblings I've ever known were born one decade apart.

    It's the PARENTING and the individual children involved, not the timing.

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:25 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I agree with all poster here, so I'm just giving encouragement. There's no rhyme or reason, your heart just grows and you find yourself capable of more love than you thought. The love just multiplies. Just know you are normal and your question just shows what a thoughtful and loving mother you really are. Best wishes!

    Answer by tangledteach at 11:26 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • i thought the same way before i got pregnant with my son Logan. My son Haiden was 2 and half when Logan was born, and for awhile i thought of jealousy and how to deal with it. But we went to the parks and i showed him babies and even asked the other mothers to let me hold the baby just so he gets the idea that mommy won't be always there to hold him. Then the day came my mom came to watch Haiden for the time, and i gave birth to Logan, Haiden came to the room and said mommy baby out of tummy, i showed him and he gave him a kiss and said i love u baby.
    Now haiden is 3 years old, and Logan is 9months, Haiden is more independent since Logan has been here since he knows when mommy is busy with Logan he has to do it himself. Ya i have to break up fights between the two of them, but in the long run i know they will be close.
    I love them equally i couldn't picture my life with out my Haiden and Logan.

    Answer by at 11:28 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • You won't love a 2nd child the same - but you will love a 2nd child just as fervently. It's not because of birth order or anything. it's because they'll be different people who will draw you in for different reasons and who will need you in different ways.

    My oldest was 2 years and 3 months old when my 2nd was born. I don't love DD any less.Logan will be 9 next week. Meg is 6; she'll be 7 in September. The kids fight sometimes. Sure. They're siblings. It happens. They can be fiercely competitive. They are also, however, best friends. They will spend hours each day playing. They are protective of each other and incredibly supportive. My relationship with Logan hasn't changed since his sister arrived. We're still close. I still adore him with my whole heart - my heart just got even bigger to fit Meg in once she arrived. I can't imagine NOT having two kids now. Our family wasn't complete until we did.

    Answer by ldmrmom at 11:37 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I think all mothers feel that way. Do what you feel is right. If you think now is the right time, then go for it. If you don't think now is a good time for another baby then wait. As a PP stated closeness in age does not equal emotional closeness. My youngest sister is 21 years younger than me, and you know what...we are super close. Good luck to you =)

    Answer by asmcbride at 11:43 AM on Jun. 22, 2011

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