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blended family help [long one]

I have two children from a previous marriage ages 17 & 14 and he has three from a previous marriage ages 14, 10 & 3 none together. My children live with us and he only has visitation with his. I love my husband and his kids but I feel our marriage is falling apart because the kids aren't teated fairly. I think the kids should be treated fairly and equally when it comes to the rules of our home and punishment. My son can do something wrong and be grounded for a week but his oldest son can do the exact same thing & only be grounded for the rest of the weekend I feel his punishment should be carried out each time hes with us until its equal to a week. My husband thinks my kids should have more rules because they are with us more and I agree in some aspects of that but not all.

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mom2stepmom3

Asked by mom2stepmom3 at 12:45 PM on Dec. 13, 2008 in General Parenting

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • I under stand what your DH is doing about punishment. He can only punish his kids while they are with him. Once they go home to MOM he can't make her(their MOM) keep the punishment going. But rules---When all the kids are at your house they should have the same rules.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 12:53 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • I agree. Rules are rules. Its your house, what you say goes. They are old enough to understand that.
    dragonlady320

    Answer by dragonlady320 at 1:03 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • I don't think he should try to get their mom to carry out punishment when they are with her but I feel a week is seven days and the punishment can be carried out until it as been seven days they are with us because sometimes the day the get in trouble is the day they go home and so they really aren't punished at all and my ex and I agreed in our divorce that our kids can stay with him anytime they want and my new husband feels if we ground them and they go to thier dads we should start the time when they come back to our house so i feel thats what we should do with his kids.
    mom2stepmom3

    Answer by mom2stepmom3 at 1:15 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • Rules are rules, and should be the same all around. However, the ages of his kids.....younger. They're like puppies. haha. Do something wrong, immediate consequence. You punish them a week later for something done long ago.....the kid will not understand that it's just "belated punishment". They will emotionally interpret it that you don't like them, etc. On the other hand....you have to understand that he has a certain amount of guilt from being the father who left. Doesn't matter if it's a justified feeling...it exists. And you don't want the kids to be punished every time they come over, or they will connect the two in that way and it will have a very negative impact on all of your relationships.
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 1:26 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • I know the situation. You are right, you cannot expect their BM to help. And if there are trust issues you might not even be apt to believe that she would be carrying the consequences. When we ground SS for longer than a weekend, like off the computer, he has to go as many days here as would be in a week. Just like what you suggest. DH agrees with me, so there is that advantage. I would say for you, if DH isn't willing to be on the same page with fairness then you discipline your kids and he disciplines his. Don't discipline each others. At least, be the final say in the punishment that will be given for your own children. Does that make sense? I agree with you 100%
    PROGENITOR

    Answer by PROGENITOR at 1:31 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • i can understand how u feel but take a step back and be objective if he only have the child during the weekend how can it be possible to ground him for the entire week if there is no guarantee that mom will follow through. talk to him in a non threatning way so he dont get defensive and dont get defensive when he is making his points. good luck to you
    mom2gavahnyaand

    Answer by mom2gavahnyaand at 4:50 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

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