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Is it normal to completely "lose" yourself after having a baby?

I am a first time mom ... my dd is 5 and a half months old.. and I haven't felt like myself since before she was born...I have gained a lot of weight and I hate it.. but I have absolutely no motivation to do something about it.. and that is not like me.. I used to be at the gym everyday before.. I work from home too.. so I hardly leave the house anymore.. I see myself letting myself go.. I don't worry about my appearance anymore.. I dress in sweats constantly.. I just feel like a slob.. and I can't snap out of it.. Any thoughts? Suggestions?


Asked by Emmajosmommy at 5:27 PM on Jun. 22, 2011 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 18 (5,813 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • Not worrying about anything but the baby, plus the anxious/overwhelmed- classic PPD. Sounds like you may need some medication adjustment, some walks outdoors to get a little exercise, and/or some talk therapy. Journal, if only while you're feeding the baby. Get out of the house daily. To-do lists do help me, too.

    I think the draining is more than just exhaustion (which does make depression issue worse) but the underlying sense of being lost and out of control, and overwhelmed. And when you get that under control a little, everything else will shift more into place and you'll have more energy. Good luck!

    Answer by Tracys2 at 7:17 PM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I am in the same situation as you are. Im also a first time mom and I have twins, I gained 80 lbs during my pregnancy and have only lost 20, I wear the same clothes day in and day out, I never do my hair and myself self esteem is so low. My twins are so bad and cry whenever I take them out so I am forced to stay in the house, You have to wake up everyday and remind yourself that it will get better, i know the exhaustion is overwhelming but try whenever you have a few seconds to yourself to take a deap breath and remind yourself that one day it will get better. You can do it!!

    Answer by AvaAndAverysMom at 7:35 PM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • Sometimes the dosage needs to be adjusted on anti-depressants. Have you tried therapy? Just talking to someone who understands might help some too.

    Answer by CarriePM at 7:38 PM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • Sounds like you are describing me. I wouldn't say its normal though. My youngest is 3 and I am just now beginning to get my confidence, motivation, and most of all Im consistent with working on my body. I had to donate all of my sweats and t-shirts because somehow I looked to them for comfort to keep from spending the extra time getting dressed up nicely.

    Answer by missthang42001 at 5:32 PM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • It's normal. Babies take our sleep and energy away and it's hard to get that back! You just have to start doing it despite the lack of motivation. The more you get out and are active, the more energy you'll find. It sucks, but that is the way it works. Good luck! Start by getting out there with that stroller!!

    Answer by cdecker83 at 5:32 PM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I think a lot of it is normal, especially until you are getting your sleep and routine back again. To change it, I think you just have to force yourself to do small things like exercise for a few minutes, do your hair, and leave the house to do something other than an errand. Good luck. You're not a freak. It happens.

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 5:33 PM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • You are not alone..When my 3rd child was born I felt the same way. I became a SAHM after she was born and life was crazy with 3 kids all under the age of 5. That was 9 years ago and what I did was the following. I joined weight watchers with a friends and lost 55 lbs. I joined a few play groups and met other moms. When my middle one start preschool I met moms there and when my oldest was in 1st grade I joined the PTO. There are times when I still feel like I have lost myself. Times when I feel like i am just a mom or a wife and not doing things for myself. When I start to feel this way I make a list of things I want to do and cross them off as I go. It gives me a sense of accomplishment.

    Good Luck!

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 5:33 PM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • Sounds like it could be postpartum depression. I felt that way in the very beginning, and still now a year later when I really have nowhere to go. But by 5 months I was doing a lot better. You may want to run it by your doctor just in case.

    Answer by CarriePM at 5:33 PM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I wouldn't say it's abnormal, because I know a lot of women that this has happened t. It even happened to me for a little while at one point. The thing is though, it's not something you want to let happen or that should. It's easy to become less focused on things like that, and with a baby, you definitely have to make more of an effort. However, even if you have to make yourself get out and moving at first, eventually you'll begin to enjoy it and care more again. I think the key to doing so is coming up with ideas that involve you and your baby and exercise. It gets a lot easier as they get older and are more mobile. My son is almost 21 months, so for a while now we've been able to go to parks, etc. However, even if your baby can't walk, you can, so take her out on walks, then work up to jogging. I'm sure she'll love it, and you'll feel a lot better as well. Good luck! :)

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 5:35 PM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • It definitely happens - so many changes, a baby has so many demands. Is there a dad in the picture? Can he spell you so you can take some time for yourself?

    Answer by tasches at 5:52 PM on Jun. 22, 2011