Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

First steps when you decide you dobnt want to be with ur husband

I think I am officially sick and tired of being sick and tired. My husband IS abusive. He does not appreciate anything I do for him. I do everything in our home from cooking to cleaning to mostly anything concerning our children. He works everyday but I am the bread winner. I am sick of living this lie. I am sick of pretending things are great when I am miserable. I dont know where to start but I think I have finally had enough. What do I do now? Last night my children and I stayed at my sisters house. He was pissed when I got home. Pushed me on the ground. I bumped my head on our window sill. Of course he feels I was with someone else whn in reality I just wanted to be away from him.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:53 PM on Dec. 13, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • You go BACK to your sisters house, taking all the necessary things to live with you, and you tell him you want a divorce. If he agrees then it should be easy, if he doesn't then file on your own. If you have your sister there who is willing to help you out, you are on the right path. Good for you getting away from him for the night...keep at it!

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 2:55 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • Then he tells me I should have called. I hid my car so he says I rode by there twice and your car wasnt there. I just cant take it anymore. Its emotionally draining. Its hard because people look at us and think everything is great and look up to us and our relationship not knowing how bad it is. It feels kind of embarrasing for me to get a divorce when people think things are so great and it makes me feel like a failure. How do I stop being my own abuser? I almost allow myself to stay in this relationship just to avoid others thoughts because everyone will wonder why I am getting a divorce when I made things look like they were so great. Please help me out here. I know what I need to do.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:55 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • I agree 100% with CarolynBarnett ...LEAVE and get back to your sisters or somewhere where you are safe!! This is going to be a hard process and it doesn't seem like he'll make it easy but it will be so worth it once you do it! I'm sorry you have to go through.

    Answer by MrsPilat at 2:57 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • Go to a lawyer and have him direct you.

    Answer by EireLass at 2:58 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • if i leave my house isnt it abandonment or something like that? do i stay here until i talk to a lawyer? Its crazy when you know what needs to be done but its so hard. I have given this man 2 children. I have built a home with him and put my life and friends on hold to be the best mother I could be and a pretty good wife. All for what? At thispoint I just wish I never married him and wouldnt have to deal with this right now. what a mistake. my sis is great but i really dont feel comfortable there. this all just sucks. I wish he would leave willingly. its so upsetting.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:02 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • I am going through the same thing right now. I have done everything for our marriage I became very bitter at my husband. He was however never abusive so I was even more embaressed. There is no "real" reason for me to get a divorce. It was embarassing till I realized that my happiness (and yours) IS A GOOD ENOUGH REASON for a divorce! Who cares what anyone else thinks (just think of it this way they are probably shames their selfs) so dont let anyone keep you from what you need to do, to be happy and SAFE! I hope that things get easier for you (and me for that matter). We are at week 7 and I can tell you is HARD but it is getting easier when I think of what I am going to gain from this. I am lonely but at least now I have reason to be it is a lot worse to be lonely when you are married and are suppose to be happy. Just know that we deserve to happy. I hope that my rambling on might help you in some way!

    Answer by rachelwilliams at 3:24 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • If he is abusing physically why don't you call the police and have him removed also put a restraining order against him. If you let this keep happening think about what your children are seeing and they may grow up that way because they will think it is okay. Also you gives and DAMN! about what people would think if you get a divorce it is better than Dead!!!!!!!

    Sorry to be so blunt but you need to move on this fast!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



    Answer by Anonymous at 3:29 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • Thanks a lot Rachael. As for caring what others think I dont but it affects so much for me us not being together. For example he picks up the kids from school and meets me at home afterwork everyday so he can return to work. I get home about an hour after school is out. Im sure he would be an ass and all of a sudden not be able to pick up the kids anymore leaving me in a crunch because theres no one else at all to do this for me and I cant possibly leave work at 3pm when I will have to begin to take them in the morning also.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:40 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • There are other things that will be a big prob. I think maybe I need to start planning this thing. As for the abuse-Yes he has out his hands on me. Mostly pushing and ruffing up. He has never slapped me-punched me or anything like that. Nonetheless it is still putting his hands on me and I make no excuse for that. I think these things have been going on for so long now(5 yrs) that I have become used to it. Sad but true. It does not happen often. I couldnt even say every other month or something like that but the point is it has happened and just like when he pushed me today I actually hit my head.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:41 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • Its getting dangerous and his anger only seems to be getting worse. I dont even understand what makes him so angry with me to ever treat me that way in the first place. There is nothing I wouldnt do for him. Anyway I feel like someone on tv rambling on and on. I am going to leave him. It may not be today but I know its inevitable. I think I need a plan. Need to talk to a lawyer and see where to go from there. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your opinions and advice. I know what I need to do.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:41 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
personel things