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5 Bumps

Are all guys like this?

I've been divorced for 4 1/2 years. I've dated a few guys in that time and actually had a relationship that ended with my heart breaking. That relationship was 2 years ago. I went on match.com and talked to a couple of guys but they ended up being selfish and a turn off. I gave my number to two guys that I dated within the last 4 1/2 years but I am so disgusted with guys right now that I don't want anything to do with men at all.

Anyone that's been divorced out there is this normal? I just keep attracting the wrong guys and all I do is go after the one's I'm attracted to and even the guy that broke my hear it wasn't attraction at first site. Does this happen to everyone and will this feeling about men get better? I keep running into the same guys over and over again. How do I meet quality guys?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:39 PM on Jun. 22, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • They aren't all like that.

    Maybe you need to change what you are looking for in a guy. If you keep running into the same type of guy that means that you are focused on specific things that lead you to them.
    Re-evaluate what you are looking for and try dating a guy that you normally wouldn't think to go out with.

    I went from a buff hottie bad boy to another bad boy and finally to a geek/nerd. The nerd treats me better than anyone I could ever have imagined. We just got married on the 11th. I couldn't ask for a better guy but then again, I had to get out of my own way and stop looking for the same type of guy.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:43 PM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • It took me 12 years after my divorce to find the right man and by god, he rocks!
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 10:45 PM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I agree with Jademom. Try going after a different type of guy. We usually fall into a pattern with men that is hard to break. Try to figure out what is drawing you to these jerks and stop going after it. Sometimes what we think we like about a guy can end up be the thing that hurts us most in the end. Match.com is full of players, btw. I tried it years ago and had little success, although I did meet one or two decent guys. At the time I was like you though, going after the wrong ones and let the nice ones slip through my fingers!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:48 PM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I was like you too. I met my current SO through friends - maybe a friend could set you up?
    PatriciaofMN

    Answer by PatriciaofMN at 11:25 PM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I wish you, would have left your name....

    Look me up and contact me though, PM......
    I will be happy to talk to you ♥♥♥♥♥♥
    SissyAnn141

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 11:54 PM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • Nope, they're not all like that. You'll find a good one, trust me. I got divorced and totally never expected to find someone, especially as quickly as I did. I was apprehensive at first because of the time frame, but I was so over my ex-husband but wanted to not have a rebound or anything. Dating was only when my son was with his father so my son never knew of anything until we were 6 months in and decided to be exclusive and build a future. So I asked my son if he wanted to meet my friend and explained it and he said yes and it's been very good since. We're together a year now and happy and he's so good to us. This is the relationship I should have had years ago. There are great guys, hang in there. He's coming your way!
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 12:42 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • And I agree, my guy now isn't like guys in my past - I guess a different type does break the pattern and give you what you need!
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 12:43 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Aside from re-evaluating what qualities you look for, it may also require a change in yourself to attract different set of people. For example, if you never volunteered before, try and start. Maybe volunteer at an animal shelter a few times or volunteer with a church group. This changes your environment. The people with whom you interact with are most likely giving, nice, well-intentioned and from there, you may meet Mr. Right. "If you do what you've always done, then you'll get what you've always gotten" is the famous quote from Erica Jong I believe. Also remember to distinguish nice from right. This is my personal mantra I share with everyone that you should repeat every time you meet someone new: "Just because he's nice, it doesn't mean he's right." Lots of ppl may be nice, but are they right? Meeting ppl through hobbies is also a great way. Meetup.com can help you find hobby groups.
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 1:42 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Give yourself apermission to stop dating for a whil, like 6 months. Concentrate on getting to know yourself--what is important to you, what you like, what you want from life. Then start looking for people with similar interests/personalities doing things like volunteering, taking classes, etc. The bar scene will get you a drunk. On-line is a total crap shoot and can be dangerous. Live your life, get out and do things you enjoy, and most of my relationships seemed to "just happen" when I least expected them.
    GrammytoTrin

    Answer by GrammytoTrin at 2:38 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Stop Looking. I know it sounds stupid but people used to give me the same advice and I laughed it off. Just learn to be comfortable with yourself and spending time with your kids and making your life better. Along the way you will probably meet someone. If it can happen to me it can happen to anyone. I was BITTER with men, I wasn't looking or wanting one in my life and along comes this guy who laughed at my man hating jokes and made me belly laugh for the first time in probably 2 years. Almost 7 years later I can't beleive I almost missed him cause I wasn't looking in his direction when I was looking for a man. Good luck !
    1lv2stks3nlz4ev

    Answer by 1lv2stks3nlz4ev at 4:55 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

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