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4 Bumps

What would you do?

In January of this year, I found out that my husband was talking to a girl from high school via Facebook. I knew they had talked from time to time, but in January, it had taken a romantic turn. I asked her to stop talking to him. She did, but my husband keeps trying to contact her. He got her old phone number off my contact list in my phone, he set up an new e-mail account(which he didn't know I knew about) to contact her. I have his passwords, and he couldn't talk freely to her if I could check up on him. I'm tired of trying to make this work while he is looking for emotional support from someone he hasn't seen in over 20 years. I did send her a message to let her know I don't care if they talk anymore. What is the best way to handle this? Should I leave? Should I stay? I don't know what is right!!! Please help

Answer Question
 
pixidst73

Asked by pixidst73 at 10:53 PM on Jun. 22, 2011 in Relationships

Level 8 (223 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Tell him that the gig us up. he can either stop, or you will leave.

    He cannot make it work and do this on the side. He is violating your trust.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:56 PM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • hun i would leave it doesnt sound like he will stop talken to her an if it has gotten passed just talk it means it will again if not it means it could lead to it. wish ya the best of luck hopes this helps
    BOOKER123ABC

    Answer by BOOKER123ABC at 10:56 PM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I'd go. I'm sorry but it'll be exhausting for you to stay. I'd tell him to decide. If u are not enough for him then don't try to be anything more just to suit him. I would be too disappointed to WANT to try to make it work. ~hugs~
    ThatBoysMom

    Answer by ThatBoysMom at 10:58 PM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • When I married, I determined that I would never allow another woman to wreck my home. I also determined that I would love my husband in such a manner that he would never want to look anywhere else. If he then chose to walk away, there would be nothing more I could do. That was 46 plus years ago, and there has never been another woman. So, I'm just wondering if you are doing everything in your power to love your husband so perfectly that he would not have time to think about another woman. I fear what too often happens is that wives see the other woman as a threat and stop doing all the things that would make her not a threat at all. That makes for sort of a double whammy against herself. I would be so busy pouring love on and trying to woo my husband that he would soon forget about a picture on Facebook.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:09 PM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I wish people would stop trying to relive their past and live in the moment. Have you talked to him about this? The only person that could help you answer this question is your husband. GL and hugs!
    PatriciaofMN

    Answer by PatriciaofMN at 11:20 PM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • I have tried to talk to him. We work opposite shifts and I'm going to school full time! I know things are not great between us because we don't see each other often. I just was in the dark about the whole thing until I stumbled upon it. He did deny any wrong doing until I showed him emails and messages I printed from my hard drive. Thank you Ladies for the help. I think I know what I must do now!!!
    pixidst73

    Comment by pixidst73 (original poster) at 11:31 PM on Jun. 22, 2011

  • He has to make a clear choice. It's either he choose to save his relationship with you or to let it die while he spends his time and energy on someone else. It sounds like he's already made the choice though. You can't make anyone do anything but you *can* observe how they behave and you are *allowed* to act accordingly. If he chooses her, then you need to send the clear message that you are not playing around and that you will leave. And really plan to leave. He might try to convince you to stay but if he already made the choice, still leave for at least a few weeks so he realizes that you never bluff. If he keeps trying then maybe decide if u want to give him another chance but remember - you teach people how to treat you. If you let things slide all the time, then they think that they can get away with anything. It's almost like training a dog. I would also suggest looking into books ab

    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 1:25 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • I would also suggest looking into books about setting boundaries and keep these books hidden from him.

    Another fun book that has some good tips (but I wouldn't take it too literally) is...

    Sherry Argov's books:
    http://www.whymenmarrybitches.com/

    Too good to leave, too bad to stay: a step-by-step guide to help you decide ... By Mira Kirshenbaum

    http://books.google.com/books?id=nQLFjsH6WrMC&printsec=frontcover&dq=when+to+leave+or+when+to+stay&hl=en&ei=AM8CTpyAJIy10AHoquD_Cw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CCoQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=when%20to%20leave%20or%20when%20to%20stay&f=false
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 1:29 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Another good article....

    http://health.howstuffworks.com/relationships/advice/when-is-it-time-to-leave-the-relationship.htm
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 1:30 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

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