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5 Bumps

Why are we judging single mom's for being on welfare when.......

They have to jump through hoop after hoop to get child support from the other parent and even when the other parent doesn't pay, they maybe get a slap on the wrist. Then they want to work but the dad doesn't want to help pay for daycare, or in my case, $40 a week for a friend to watch him instead of twice that for daycare, so they have no way to work or if they do work, they are working to pay for daycare. Why do we look at young dad's and feel sorry because they "couldn't" go to college because some mean judge ordered them to help support their kid and they "couldn't" make enough money tp pay the child support and go to school, meanwhile, mom is working 2 jobs, going to school and raising the child and while and is out having beers with his friend, mom is looking in the pantry, hoping there is enough food to get them through till her next paycheck or until she gets more food stamps. Why is it that dad can afford drag mom into court a couple times a year because he doesn't like something that is going on in her home, yet he has missed 3 child support payments this year? Why is it that if mom makes dad miss 3 months of visitation, she will be found in contempt yet if dad misses 3 months of child support, well at least he is around his child, money's not that important (of course, the child having a roof over their head, that will just happen, right?) Why is it that if mom moves on and has a relationship with a man, she is a sex crazed whore but if dad does the same, he is just looking for companionship after all he has been through. I am sorry, I am just so sick of the double standards.


Asked by Anonymous at 12:08 AM on Jun. 23, 2011 in Parenting Debate

This question is closed.
Answers (34)
  • oh ans msgwen nice way of saying women and children deserve to be beaten, cheated and harmed... you are simply a joke


    Answer by JoLee12345 at 2:54 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Why don't people get to know someone much better before having sex would be the better question. Most losers and deadbeats have always been losers and deadbeats. So many think they are special enough they can change someon but they can't. If the person is a jerk they will probably always be a jerk so don't have sex with him and get knocked up. Same goes for guys.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:15 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • No matter what you do, you will always be judged unfairly by someone. You just have to live your life. Personally I wonder how proactive we could all be if we stayed out of people's personal lives, and personal decisions and focused on what we could improve on ourselves. A lot of the time we are just assuming because of what we see on the surface.

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 12:26 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Because people like to make themselves feel better by being complete assholes to others they feel are "beneath" them (may not be the most PC answer, but it's the truth)

    Answer by NotPanicking at 12:55 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Wow, almost sounds like you are the bitter mother of a child with a deadbeat dad! I have nothing against a single mother getting welfare -if it is used the way it was intended - as a hand up through a transistional period - not as a lifestyle! And, not for going to the bars, buying junk food, or supporting a "deadbeat" boyfriend - instead of for actually paying their bills before the utilities get shut off, buying nutritional food so their child has a healthier life, and then if there is any left over - the little "extras".


    Answer by sunny1961 at 12:30 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Come on you guys. Are we doing the welfare post again? Look I'm a single mom, I teach elementary school, and I see so many kids who need help from the government. I'll never judge them or their family because of that. My point is, there is simply "NOTHING" we can do about welfare, and how many moms are on it. I visit many kid's homes and it tear me to pieces because most of them don't have kitchen tables to sit at, and no couches. I know most of you are going to redicule me for this, but there are good people out there right now who have no choice but to depend on the government. Yes, they don't like it, but what else is there to do? Most of them don't have the education or job training to make it.

    Answer by ambr2006 at 9:52 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • I don't know, because i don't do it. I don't think any of those things such as moms a slut, or feel sorry for the dad, Not all single moms work 2 jobs, Not all dads drag their ex into court at the drop of a dime (i've found it's usually the opposite). All dads should pay their child support and all moms should allow visitation based on the court order. As for the welfare, there are income guidelines. They apply to everyone, single moms, single dads, families. If your turned down it's based on your income, not because your a single mother. They are judging your income, not you.

    Answer by Trinity001 at 12:56 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • nobody really has any right to judge anyone. it is fair to say that there are those out there who abuse the system, whether it's the mom's who try to make it a lifestyle and proceed to have kids that they know they can't financially support, or the dad's who don't take responsibility for the lives they've created. what it all really boils down to is people being responsible for their actions. if more people did that then we wouldn't have situations like everyone has mentioned. unfortunately it's not the world we live in and it sucks. sorry you're going thru what you're going thru. my heart goes out to those putting up the good fight.

    Answer by mmsfirstone at 1:54 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • shit, I am married to a soldier who bsts his ass a year at a time, and 18 hours day.... and we get WIC, and FS, mainly b/c I cannot afford to work.... I am a SAHM for my kids, and people should NEVER judge a single mother or assume she randomly had sex.... rude people

    Answer by JoLee12345 at 8:11 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • You can thank your fellow feminists and their stomping of equal rights. Years ago this would not have happened and didn't happen. Now that women go around with the "I can have it all, family and career" we have shown judges that we really don't need men. We have also shown judges that we can raise the children if we have no money (ok, so we have no choice) so it's equal that the men get the same opportunity without money. Ladies, we can't have it both ways. I totally agree with what you are saying. Except for women have to jump through hoops, there are only certain women that have to jump through hoops and here you will put your child in daycare at your expense if they are 5 or older and volunteer for 40 hours a week for your cash assistance. Bottom line, we as women need to figure out where we want to stand in life. Even if you don't burn your bra, the one's that do are ruining your life.

    Answer by attap5 at 10:22 AM on Jun. 23, 2011