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Ok.. so not a bash session or whatever but a question

Me and my DH waited until having a house, being set in our jobs and together for 11 years before having our child, we both want another one however with college fund for him started, daycare, preschool and up coming activities, along with the ever present rising cost of well, EVERYTHING, we can't think about having another child.. being 32 and 39. this literally means to us, no more kids.. and having just the one.. would you consider that over thinking life and family?
Different scenerio... My sisters friend, lived with her DH, they had a daughter, the DH became the stay at home dad, they decided to , as their PLAN, have another baby and move in with her family so he can go to school, she can save money and the mother has been "choosen" to watch both kids
2nd scenerio:my cousin, he got married, they bought a house, they are sooo broke, a teacher and a furniture mover.. have a daughter, have my mom watch her for free, then his parents, once retired at 70+ watch the daughter but struggle for food and diapers but of course make too much for any assistance, have ANOTHER planned baby..
3rd scenerio.. my sister,had a daughter, no father in the picture,working 2 to 3 jobs and school also, finds loser after loser after drug addicted loser while we ( my mom and me and DH) "help" try to raise my niece, doesn't have time to give the hour, upon asked adviced from my sister on how to help my nieces moods and chores,. to give her ANY night of the week however loser # 1 or 2 always has time for her and then BAM.. got pregnant..
Scenerio # 4 my SIL.. ahh.. my SIL.. has a baby with abusing man she was with for 14 years, FINALLY leaves after our niece watched her father beat her with a broom stick and pushed her in a bathtub while my SIL has reumatory arthririts.. finds husband # 2.. has a child with him, who is by all means, jsut ROTTEN, has baby # 3 4 years later AFTER contemplating leaving him for multiple times and personality flaws such as him saying " i don't love you anymore" or "you fat pig"... NOW.. having to get a hysterectomy due to many many medical problems, wants to get it reversed and have another, # 4 baby with man # 2 -however, they both recently quit their jobs and took money out from his past jobs 401k

my ACTUAL question... why is it that we even ever think about not having a child if this is apparently "Common" thought processes around the world here?? or is it just my area / family/ friends ?

 
maxsmom11807

Asked by maxsmom11807 at 12:35 AM on Jun. 23, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 29 (40,703 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I know what you mean. So many I know are real careless when it comes to planning kids. I spent 2 yrs getting a degree and people were asking me at the time why I wasn't trying for another yet. wtf? Everyone else dropped out of school because they got preg. I am a logical planner. Nothing wrong with that! I've known my husband since I was 15. I'm now 26. We have an almost 6 yr old. If I went the rate of the rest of my family then I'd have about 8 kids by now in the 11 yrs I've known him.
    ThatBoysMom

    Answer by ThatBoysMom at 12:49 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Don't try to figure it out. It's just not worth it! I'm not a religious person, but I do believe that every child is here for a reason. My Gramma used to have a sign in her kitchen with a little kid pouting on it that said, "God don't make no junk!"
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 12:42 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • LOL.. I love it.. true, But I can't help but to wonder/ponder or question, well screw it, even though we can't afford it, we midaswell have the second baby WE want since that seems to be such a non issue for so many others but the repsonible part of me knows better, I could ask for constant help for FREE and never offer to pay or help or move in with my family because of my choices.. maybe I'm just TOO rational sometimes.. but in the end, I am the one missing out on baby # 2.. you know?? its the "it is not fair' arms crossed 8 year old in e having a fit i guess loL!
    maxsmom11807

    Comment by maxsmom11807 (original poster) at 12:46 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • kinda why i had my tubes tied... can barely afford the two I've got.. if i were to get pregnant again idk what i would do...
    girlglow6

    Answer by girlglow6 at 12:48 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • My tubes are so tied! Lol I look back and we had our son at the worst time! I sometimes feel stupid about my way of thinking at that time! Reflecting on how hard it had to be! It didn't seem stupid at the time though! Amongst many of my reflections after turning thirty! Don't sit there and stew on it! It does no good and it's out of your control! And always remember that no one EVER promised us a fair life.:)
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 12:53 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • I too think it's not fair. Completely. I had 2 miscarriages so that pisses me off even more to see a cousin abort 2, hand her mom 2 and her MIL the other 2. She's only 24! Here I sit waiting to get preg and thinking waayyyyy too much!
    ThatBoysMom

    Answer by ThatBoysMom at 12:54 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • i just turned 30 and dh just turned 29 and just now buying a house and i just got done with college and just now startin my career. my husband has a great job at a state hospital and he has no college. we had our first kid at 21/20 and our last one 3.5 years ago. 3 kids total. we struggled for the longest time financially but we dont regret any of it. when our kids leave home we will still be young enough to enjoy life. when my oldest turns 18 ill be 40. all of my friends are the same age as me and all have kids the same age and also just now buying a house. and the nicest thing about buying a house now is that kids are able to put their input in. i just dont see how someone would want to wait until they are older to have kids, to me family is more important that material things.
    gothmama91

    Answer by gothmama91 at 12:57 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • See, I am not usually one to judge but being we are now recently buying our last family house, we went through and said what each room was for and I felt, sadly, missing out on that 2nd baby but know that reality of;.. it just will not work with our plans of our first sons furture of we have to do the exact same for the second, which we would have to.. so I agree, stop over thinklng areas I have no control of but at the same time I can't help but wonder what if I had the thinking of "well shit, lets move in with my mom, save $60k this year, ask my mom to watch him, I mean tell her she needs to watch him, and then set ourselves up for a better future , as a plan, all the while taking advantage of everyone else around us to make this happen.. and belive me, it took us 3 hyears of trying while my sister had an abortion, my DH's friend had an Abortion and my sister refused/s to care for this one perfect angel she has..
    maxsmom11807

    Comment by maxsmom11807 (original poster) at 1:00 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Gothmama.. well here is another point of view, at 19/20, we had just met and had I COULD get pregnant, I probably would have but I have an internal disease which prevents pregnancy unless removed every 1 to 2 years.. so it wasn't a choice to have a baby this late, and I was also told my disease woiuld go away once having a child, whcih apparently, rare case, it didn't, so I have to go in and get it taken care of agan to get pregnant if I wanted it.. otherwise I could have more readily available options as to make more money, or wait a couple years but WE don't.. if I did indeed have a child when I was activitly "trying" I would 15 kids with 15 dads as I went through a terrible self loathing period over some other issues
    maxsmom11807

    Comment by maxsmom11807 (original poster) at 1:04 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • could always adopt later if you guys think you can do it... with your medical problems that would be the route i would go if i wanted another baby later...
    girlglow6

    Answer by girlglow6 at 1:39 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

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