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Sons mean comment to a cute girl

My son is 14, I just found out that hear made a very mean comment about a young lady his age. It was in refrence to her small chest, mind you shes 14 also!! I know he made this comment because well shes a cute blonde and he prob has a crush on her. I get boys will be boys, and teen age boys have a ton of peer pressure and he was embarassed because he likes her, BUT, I will not stand for these comments how should I deal with this. Thanks.

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TeeNYtiNYaZian

Asked by TeeNYtiNYaZian at 12:49 AM on Jun. 23, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 4 (48 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • I'd personally make him write her a letter and mention 5 good things about her. This will help him see that there are positive things about everyone, and possibly help her wounds as well. This is such a sensitive age, and he does owe her an apology.

    I'd probably also pull out the year book, and have him do this for 5 other girls as well. Mentioning things that are good about them and leaving out the negative. Of course with the yearbook thing, he wouldn't need to write them letters. It'd be an "at home" exercise.

    Oh, and yes he would be grounded if he were my son as well. I do not tolerate that sort of thing in my home. GL
    Razelda

    Answer by Razelda at 12:54 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • I always tell my boys to make sure the things they say wont come back and haunt them. My example is what if someone was already very depressed and you made a horrible comment to them and they killed themself? It may have not been just your comment but dont have it weighing on your concience for the rest of your life...it makes them stop and think.
    sugamama3

    Answer by sugamama3 at 12:55 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • U R probably right about him liking her, and probably ALOT. Since u want him to say hes sorry, I would have himn say it to her in person. And since he is under a ton of peer pressure, he will likely will not want to do it in front of his friends in "combat". I think it will more sincere if he does that way, and not tell everyone "my mom told me to" and the eye rolling thing with his buddies. Plus u can be there, well that is if he knows where she lives, which he might already know.
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 12:56 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • explain that its really not ok for him to be mean to a girl just because he's with friends or because he feels pressured and that he should apologize to her..
    girlglow6

    Answer by girlglow6 at 12:56 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Not that it sounds like your son is a horrible bully like a lot of kids but this is getting so out of control these days and its so scary.
    sugamama3

    Answer by sugamama3 at 12:57 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • I would not round him! Just talk to him and tell hin how hurt she must be, and hE needs to tell he is very sorry.
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 12:58 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Lol vote me down if you must but my kids will not be bullies or be bullied.
    sugamama3

    Answer by sugamama3 at 12:59 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • I hope you deal with this problem with success!!!

    I would flat out tell him that usually when boys behave like that its a schoolyard way to show a girl you like them and even though you hurt her feelings with that terrible comment, other people will know whats really going on.

    Boys need us to be direct with this stuff.
    Gingerwheel

    Answer by Gingerwheel at 1:44 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • My boys have always known that what we say to or about someone can be damaging. I've used myself as example, my self - esteem was shot as a kid from comments like this and others; and I still struggle. My boys have an example of someone they love that went through this. I use it to teach them that you don't know how something you say will effect some one. Some people are already insecure or hurting and our words can make those feelings worse or better. I've also told them that girls can and do have insecurities thinking they aren't pretty enough, and we should never make them feel that way. They learned from a young age if you like someone you respect them. I'd talk to him about respect and how words hurt. If he said directly to her then I'd tell him he needs to apologize. Real life examples do help if you have any, I know my boys were effected by my personal story and it makes them better men.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 9:19 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Does he have a sister or a female cousin? I would ask him how he would feel if someone said that to them. Usually when you put it in that context, they understand because by nature boys tend to be protective of their female family members.
    mjande4

    Answer by mjande4 at 9:39 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

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