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5 Bumps

Trust issue

I am a woman in my 40's that's been dating a man who is in his 50's for the past 3 1/2 years. Throughout the time that I have been dating him, I have always dealt with a trust issue, myself. I will not lie and say that we have not had our problems because we have. Yet, he has never really given me a reason not to trust him. But, i love this man more than I have ever loved any man, ever!.......And i want to make this work....So, i need some solid advice!

How do i get past this trust issue?....I have read books and tried to do the things it said to do, in the book. But, to no avail!.....

I am just asking this simple question...........HOW DO I PROGRAM MY BRAIN TO STOP thinking this way?....(sorry for the caps, just need to get my point across).....I don't want to know HOW to trust...I want to know, what ACTIONS do i need to take, in order to save my relationship and start trusting in what he's telling me, or if he's going to hurt me, Or if he's lying to me?......I don't want to lose him!

Thanks in advance!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:42 AM on Jun. 23, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Relationships are hard Work regardless of any issues we face... Maybe Have a look at your past relationships is there something from those that has case the trust issue in the first place. as women i think its hard for us not to have worries in any realtionship. i dont think you can reprogram your self.... I hope everything gets better for you.
    Nicole_Anne

    Answer by Nicole_Anne at 1:48 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • I got over my trust issue with the help of a man I dated for a while a couple years back.

    Obviously, I did most of the work, but he helped a little.

    If I doubted him, he would always tell me I am the best he will ever have so he has no reason to look anywhere else or you give me know reason to lie to you. In addition to a big warm smile and a hug.

    I heard it so many times, to this day I still hear those words when I doubt my partner.

    Maybe after 2 months of him always doing this for me, doubting him and myself wasn't part of my thought process anymore.

    You can attempt to heal yourself without the help of your partner, but I would think it is harder and would take longer, but I do not know from experience.
    Gingerwheel

    Answer by Gingerwheel at 1:51 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • It depends on why you feel there is an issue..Did he do something or was it from past experience?? If Its the past and has nothing to do with him then you have to learn to let go. If he done something then his trust has to be earned back over time not all at once. Hope that helps...GL Momma!
    Heather021287

    Answer by Heather021287 at 2:10 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Talk to him about your issues. If you love this man, communication is the key to keeping your relationship going!
    hopeandglory53

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 3:37 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Are you engaged? Do you plan to marry? Does he want to get married?
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 4:21 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • I have a problem with trust issues also..... here is how I am TRYING to deal with it.. first of all i realize that my trust issues come from past relationships.... so.. i take a few breaths and I ask myself.. if i know the real answer will it really matter?? if it wont then i stay busy minded until I forget about it.. if it is something that will matter... then i ask myself this.... (for example cheating) if i find out the truth later....will it hurt more than if i found out now.. that answer would be no.. regardless if i found out now or later.. i would be hurt the same bc i love him.. so i play the I am oblivious to anything that may cause me to question... you see.. i have actually caught my husband in a few lies.. but they were stupid lies.. like staying a little later at work to talk to his friends rather than actually working when he said he was.. and i really didnt catch him.. he told me.. if he is going to lie..CONT
    Ross2010

    Answer by Ross2010 at 10:41 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • he will regardless if you worry about it or not.. so I look at it like this.. either way.. i will be hurt if he lies.. so I am going to "trust" him until i find out differently bc i am already emotionally invested and it will hurt if i find out now or later.. might as well be happy now instead of being paranoid now and unhappy later.. and if all works out right.. i wont have to be unhappy later
    Ross2010

    Answer by Ross2010 at 10:43 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • @Ross2010.....That's some great advice....I will try to work on that and not let my emotions get the best of me....Thanks for the help!!!....That's the kind of help i was looking for
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:34 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

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