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Why would he abuse me?

What would make the man you married put his hands on you? I know it was nothing I did but I wonder what within him could actually allow him to do it? Do you think its because he has grown to resent me? I would do anything within reason he needed me to do. Is it because he is seeing someone else and has lost respect for me? What do you think? I am not looking for advice as to what to do because I am leaving him but I wonder what others thoughts are on why a man would hurt his wife-the most precious piece of his life.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:57 PM on Dec. 13, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • My ex never hit me, but there are many forms of abuse. I did like you and always asked myself why. Why, why, why? I don't know if they know themselves, and I have yet to ask my ex. It's always been easier for me to forgive if I have a reason why they did it, but I think it has to do with control. They have to have control of your body, emotions, and even thoughts. They wanted a robot with the sexual favors, but it doesn't work that way. Instead, they got a real woman with real feelings, real thoughts, and real emotions. It usually blindsides them when we leave them, but make no mistake...they'd repeat their actions if we returned to them. I separated from my ex several times and told him if it happened again that it would be the last time. He didn't believe me, but I'm now happily married to another. He still tries to control me thru the kids, and he's not knowing how to handle it b/c it's not working anymore.

    Answer by rhope4 at 4:23 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • Feel free to pm me if you need support. We need to stick together.

    Answer by rhope4 at 4:30 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • You will never be able to rationalize irrational behavior. I am so sorry for your suffering, but he has a problem, and it has nothing to do with you.

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 5:02 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • I wish I had an answer to this question. I have no idea what would make a man hit his wife; it's just so crazy a thought to me that I can't relate it to. I'm glad you are leaving him and getting on with your life; the last thing you need is someone beating you. You are a human being, not an animal (even animals shouldn't get hit).
    I wish you so much luck and if you ever need to talk, pm me.


    Answer by Jerseymom1228 at 5:03 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • I think there are different reasons that men get abusive. I think that some men saw it when they were young, and thought that it was ok because their family did it. I think that some men do it because it makes them feel "Manly" And I think some men do it because they have serious anger managment issues, and feel that is the only way to express the way that they feel.

    Answer by MaMa2_DJ_IJ at 5:58 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • While I didn't marry the man I was with at the time, I was living with and engaged to a "man" who did attempt to punch me (missed, hit the wall, broke a few fingers...oh well!) Why? Italian Mommas Boy! VERY insecure, listened to EVERYTHING his mommy said. Mother was the matriarch. Even though we had purchased our OWN home, it was THREE blocks from his mothers, and 1 block from his grandmothers house. He was EXPECTED to eat dinner at Mommy's house THREE days per week, and check in on his lunch hour! Get the picture?

    I was a threat to this Mother-Son relationship. He could not CONTROL me like he wanted. He admitted to resenting his mother, but since he didn't have a spine, he took it out on me. Fortunately, I grew a spine, and left him--five weeks before our wedding day. Just packed everything up while he was work, and left! No note, no contact thereafter...just GONE! LMAO!

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:09 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

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