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2 Bumps

Need advice for a friend.

A friend of ours is about to go through an ugly divorce. His wife is the biggest bitch I have ever met, she was always putting him down and telling him he needed to be more like my DH! They have been separated since feb. she kept telling him she wanted to work on it but now she is living with a single guy (pretty sure she is having an affair, but can't prove it) we are all in the AF and if she is having one and it can be proven she won't get a cent of his money and she could actually get prosecuted bc it violates the UCMJ. Well on top of that her car is in his name (the loan and everything) well she went and traded it in for an even more expensive car without his knowledge. IS THIS EVEN LEGAL? Her name is not on the loan, how can she increase it without him signing anything??? This has basically f***ed his credit bc he is now expected to make $500 payments on this car on top of his truck. He gets the bills, not her. She also put a restraining order against him, even though if anyone was abusive it was her! When she moved out she took things that were left to him in his Grandfather's will (died in Jan.) and her "friend" trashed their house (which they had just signed a year lease for in oct.), he had to pay to fix all the damage done. I am just wondering if anyone can give me any resources that can help him...the AF doesn't seem to be doing much for him. He used to be such a happy guy but now he is on anti-depressants and he hates his life, all because of this bitch! We are sure she is cheating because even before she actually left him she was hitting on other men (my DH to be exact!) She didn't see any problem in flirting with a married man who also just happens to be one of her hubby's really good friends. She would even tell her hubby to his face that he wasn't as attractive as my DH and that my DH was sooo much better than him! She is ruining his life and we can't seem to do anything to help him!! Please if you have any ideas of how to help him, let me know. Right now I would love nothing more to punch her in the face, but I could get in a lot of trouble for that, and I am not sure she is worth that.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:17 AM on Jun. 23, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • He should be keeping a journal of all interaction with her, his suspicions regarding her affair and any evidence thereof he gathers, her actions surrounding the car and the belongings and everything else. Then he needs to hire a lawyer and file for divorce ASAP.

    Also, aside from that advice, I would HIGHLY recommend he lean on someone through this, and develop a relaxation and stress relief routine. Meditation is very effective. He just needs to work on releasing the horrible things she is doing out to God or the Universe or just OUT, depending on his beliefs.

    Sorry your friend is going through this :(

    My advice for YOU is to be there for him, but also keep some distance. These situations often turn into affairs for the women supporting the hurting men :(
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 9:24 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Well, if I were there for him it would be with my husband. My husband and I are both trying to help him through this. With the whole affair thing, the AF said that she either needs to get pregnant or he needs to have a picture of them actually having sex to prove that she is cheating....He has a lawyer, I think, because I believe he has started the paperwork for divorce finally.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:28 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Trust me, the AF won't care and the UCMJ thing is crap. My active duty AF ex husband tried to kill my daughter and I and they did NOTHING. They didn't give a crap about anything going on and the only thing I could do was pack 1 damn bag of my daughter's stuff and move 3,000 miles away. The thing I learned out of this all was to stand up to that asshole and get what I rightfully deserved. So your friend needs to say enough is enough and get a lawyer and kick some ass.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 9:29 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Regardless of whether he can get a picture of them having sex or sabotage birth control and allow for her to get pregnant (lol, so evil), if he keeps a record of things that are going on and brings them to court it will make the judge more sympathetic toward him. Judges are supposed to be impartial, but they are human, just like the rest of us, and a slew of evidence stating what a horrible person this woman is is going to have SOME pull on his or her heart.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 9:51 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Thanks...I know that is evil, but I am hoping she does get pregnant, because it would be clear its not his baby....as it stands right now she could half of his money/things in the divorce, which I just don't think is right....I will let him know that he needs to do that....and I can even vouch for him on the whole before she even left him she was trying to get with my DH! I hate these kind of women!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:55 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • She might be able to get that car loan in his name. Depending on what state she is in and if she has his power of attorney. He needs to go to her CO and report her affair. She will be put in the brig. She will either lose some stripes or be dishonorably discharged. He is still going to be stuck with the car loan, however. It's possible he can take the car and trade it down, but other than that, if she got it, there was a legal way for her to do it. And some states are community property so she cannot get arrested for stealing the car.
    attap5

    Answer by attap5 at 10:30 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • The reason I am confused about the loan is because we have the same thing....my car loan is in my husband's name and all I can do is make payments....they can't even tell me how much we have left to pay because it's "his" loan and not mine. The whole affair thing, he already tried.....they told him unless he has pictures of the 2 of them actually having sex that she will not be in trouble, or if she gets pregnant.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:34 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

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