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Coping with a husband who is severely depressed adult content

my husband recently sought therapy for his behaviorial issues and turns out he's severely depressed. i attended a session with him last week because things were getting rocky in our marriage. his counselor also does couples counseling so i found out some helpful information about my husband i wasn't aware of before. i always had the impression that he doesn't care about me or the kids, but i didn't know that was basically how depression works. he feels like he has nothing to give pretty much. so since last week things have improved drastically, now that i have a better understanding of what's going on inside his head. he is actually going today to talk about anti-depressants, and his counselor thinks this will help a lot for his symptoms. anyway, he does seem to be trying really hard at being a better, happier father to the kids. he's helping more around the house (dealing with unemployment also, another stressor) and seems to be in a better mood. but we're still having intimacy issues. we had really great sex the night after couple's counseling, but nothing since although i initiate it every night. he just doesn't want to. we were rarely having sex before but i thought since he's improving in all other areas, the sex might be more frequent now too. i'm trying not to make this about rejection, but i can't help but feel that way when he turns me down. i basically have to wait until he's in the mood. does anyone have any advice?


Asked by Anonymous at 9:49 AM on Jun. 23, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • Depression is a killer of libido. I'm really sorry your family is dealing with this :( Keep up with the counseling and don't give up talking about this with your husband.

    Since he is depressed already, though, I would leave the sex part of it out for now. For me, performance is a HUGE part of their sexual identity and sexual identity is a huge part of our self-esteem. Just keep letting him know you love him. Lots of cuddles, touches, kisses, and do your best to be patient with him until he starts to feel better. He might just be putting on a front lately to make YOU feel better when really he doesn't.

    Depression is really hard. Keep going to his appointments with him if you both agree on that, and keep loving on him.

    Answer by Ati_13 at 10:04 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • I can tell you from my own personal depression experiences.. it drains you. Its not personal.. its just exauhsting to make it through the day and your ready for bed. give it time, but also anti depressents can have an effect on his sex drive to.. so I dont know what will happen right away but do not worry about if its you or not.

    Answer by MommaB30 at 10:01 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • That is supposed to say "for men performance is a huge part of their sexual identity" not "for me" lol.

    Answer by Ati_13 at 10:05 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • also, forgot to add in the beginning we had sex frequently. maybe 4 times a week sometimes more. and we were more affectionate toward eachother too, he would come up behind me while i was cooking and wrap his arms around my stomach, or lay his head in my lap while we watched tv on the couch, little things like that and his counselor told us we need to be more affectionate. i've been trying to touch him more and be more loving but i don't feel like i get much of a response. so its hard for me to constantly put myself out there to be turned away.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:52 AM on Jun. 23, 2011