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3 Bumps

Was the comment really that "rude " ?

I have a friend on my facebook, we use to be really close but now we only see each other maybe once or twice a month ...

This morning she made a post saying she is still sick but better than before and she really needs to think about quitting smoking...

So i commented and said " yeah you really need to quit, you and jordan will feel sooo much better" ... meaning this as her and her 1 year old son both have breathing problems, to where they both have to take daily breathing treatments, because of HER SMOKING !

She gets mad and said "well it is my buisness if I want to quit or not" ... I never commented back, but I really didnt expect that... i always try to comment on her statuses, and basically it is the truth ..she is ALWAYS complaining to me ( in person, on the phone and online) about their breathing troubles and never having any money , and every once in awhile she will get upset because she is afraid of getting lung cancer... i always tell her she needs to quit and I even offered to buy her the gum or the patch ..

So really is my comment that bad ?

Answer Question
 
2lilbumblebees

Asked by 2lilbumblebees at 10:05 AM on Jun. 23, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,121 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • I don't think it is that bad although it must be a touchy subject for her and she understands she needs to quit. She might feel guilty that she hasn't yet and you pointed out the obvious, which upset her.
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 10:07 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • No, she is just sensitive about it because quitting smoking is really hard and bringing her child into it made her defensive. She probably felt like you were accusing her of being a bad mother by causing the child's breathing problems by smoking.

    You were being supportive, but she took it the wrong way. I'd apologize along the lines of "I'm sorry if what I said offended you. I only meant to be supportive. The offer of the patch or gum still stands, just say the word. I know you can do this if you want to".
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 10:09 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Not rude at all! To the point, sometimes the truth hurts.
    deepbluezz

    Answer by deepbluezz at 10:09 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • No, I think when she made the post to facebook to begin with shes putting it out there to the whole facebook drama world and setting herself up for whatever people feel like saying. Personally I'm surprised someone who has breathing problems because of her smoking, and someone who has a child with breathing problems because of her smoking, Im surpised she has the nerve to post something like that, its basically opening a free for all for anyone who wants to give her crap about harming her child. Wow, Idk why that just struck a nerve with me. It pisses me off that a person would be so selfish. Shes right it is her choice to harm herself but when her child is invovled she doesnt have that right. Grrr! I def would have said something that would be rude, but I dont think what you said was rude at all.
    mitchellb

    Answer by mitchellb at 10:10 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • I don't think it was that bad...but probably bringing her son into it made her defensive. I would "like" her response to you and leave it at that.
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 10:11 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • When you are doing something you feel is wrong and someone points it out to you, it's like rubbing salt into a wound. I smoke, it is a part of who I am. Giving it up would be like giving a part of my personality up. I've quit before, although I really didn't want to, I did it for other people because they thought they were right. You need to understand it's a whole lifestyle change, not just throwing a pack of cigarettes in the garbage and chewing some gum. Which by the way, certain dental things you can't chew the gum and the patch is quite dangerous. People have overdosed on them because out of habit they pick up a cigarette and they already have nicotine in them. You also don't know the long term effects, so you don't know if she is willing to take the risk. You should have said you will be there if she needs you instead.
    attap5

    Answer by attap5 at 10:11 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • i dont think you comment was bad but it come off as a little judgemental......people know what they need to do but they dont like you to point it out to them ....and do so on facebook where others can see the comments is a little touchy....
    cara124

    Answer by cara124 at 10:13 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • I never said anything about the gum or patch on facebook... and I know it is hard, I even offered to stay with her and try to stay up or something ( like be there to get her through one night -- an idea I got from The Golden Girls lol ) ... I just always felt guilty because she would complain about it and since I have never smoked, I dont know what kind of advice to give her...

    Also , besides this smoking, she is a great mother... but I know alot of people do judge her for the smoking she has lost a couple of friends because they dont want their kids around her smoking...and honestly that might be a reason we dont hang out as much anymore either.... i actually get a stuffed up nose and headache after being around it and I usually have to give my kids a good 3 baths to get the smell off of them...

    I dont know I just didnt see it as out of line when i wrote it because she was talking about it on facebook, and because she
    2lilbumblebees

    Comment by 2lilbumblebees (original poster) at 10:17 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • complains about it so often... I guess I just also got annoyed that she wastes so much time talking about how bad it is, but not enough time actually trying to quit...
    2lilbumblebees

    Comment by 2lilbumblebees (original poster) at 10:18 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • I don 't think it was a bad comment at all. I am just sorry you feel bad about it now. Don't worry about it sweetie, it was obviously just a sore subject for her. Just avoid the whole topic in the future! lol
    kdwiegandt

    Answer by kdwiegandt at 10:19 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

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