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How would you handle it.....she's his kid.... adult content

There is so much backstory...so I'm going to try to sum up as much as possible. Sorry if this is long! My DH has a daughter that is grown and has children of her own. She is a user to every extent of the word. Currently she does not work and her boyfriend barely works. So, so gets ALL her bills paid by his ex wife (NOT her mother). But, prior to that, she mooched money off us until we were used up. All the while talking about how bad of a person his ex was, and she'd never allow his ex around her kids...etc. But, as soon as our extra cash is gone...and set back in our OWN bills...now her and the ex are best friends and I'M the piece of shit who took her father from them...etc.etc.etc. She's one of those kids who only calls or comes around when she wants money...or bday gifts.
And, now, she's back to trying to get him to leave me and get back with this ex...again SHE'S NOT EVEN HER MOTHER.
Plus, she gives us shit because my children arent his, so how dare he love them....but his ex can be her "mom" and "grandma" to her kids? And her BOYFRIEND is not her oldest childs father...but he's allowed to be her dad!!
Anyways, so for years thats how the "relationship" has gone. She's fine with us around Christmas, and her bday....but the rest of the year she's nasty to us. So, when DH told her we were getting married of course all hell broke lose. We had to elope instead of having our families there because she was threatening to destroy the wedding. Then, she sends me a message calling me all kinds of nasty names, and just being hurtful. All this is immature high school drama that I've learned to ignore and breaks my heart because I've tried so hard to build a relationship with her. And WE HAVE! A FEW TIMES...until I'm out of money again. He sees the games, and for the most part, doesn't allow it. He goes through months at a time where they dont speak because of her disrespect. But, the part I cant get over....she called my children "bastard ass kids". I CANT let that go. I CANT let what she said to him about his parents who are passed away go. I cant get over threats to our wedding. I cant get over the CONSTANT attepmts from her and his ex to break us up and destroy our lives. So, of course, shortly after our wedding was our grandchilds bday....so of course she calls him so he'll go to the party. And now...even though she never appologized, and still plays her bullshit games, and gives nasty looks TO MY CHILDREN, he's fine with her and I'm supposed to be too. Just because she called him....HE DIDNT EVEN TALK TO HER...she left a message. No apology, nothing.
Am I wrong for feeling like I dont want to be around her, and I sure as hell dont want my children around her??? I love her kids...and would like for them to be a part of our lives. But her and his ex need to stay the f**k away from me and my children. But, am I wrong...because she is his kid?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:32 AM on Jun. 23, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • The ONLY wrong thing I see here is that Dad hasn't disowned her. YOU ARE NOT WRONG. Not by ANY stretch of the imagination. If he is making you ask that question, you may be wrong about being with him because he isn't using his brain.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:36 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • You are not wrong! Your husband should understand why she cannot be aroud you and your kids if she behaves like that. It sounds like she is in a really ugly place right now and there is not much you can do to change that for her, but you can protect yourself and your children.

    I would just simply tell her, "One day, everyone will catch on to the game you play and I hope by then you will have learned to support yourself and your children because it would be a shame if they were taken away from you by CPS. For now, do not ever talk to me or my children until you grow up."

    Usually, I like to play nice with everyone, but she needs a swift kick in her ass to listen to anything anybody has to say. The only thing you can do is plant that seed in her head and hopefully she listens to you even if it is years from now. If what you say is true, your husband should understand you need to protect yourself and your kids
    Gingerwheel

    Answer by Gingerwheel at 11:45 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Her and the ex need to F off
    Helen2004

    Answer by Helen2004 at 12:00 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • No...like I said, he pretty much has disowned her. When she goes through this crap, he has NOTHING to do with her. But, I guess I feel like this last time she took it too far. And, just because she called....to make sure he'd bring he child presents (and she didnt count on me being there...so the EX would have him all to herself), I dont feel like thats enough. She needs to GENUINELY understand what she did to me, him and mostly MY CHILDREN was beyond unacceptable. Then earn the relationship back. Or be gone away from us with her nasty hatefullness.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:40 AM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • What an ugly situation. Can you move away? , no, really, she's immature and a trouble causer. What makes some people feed off of being this way? Where does it really get them (other than money it seems in her case). She's a user for sure. She just hasn't used up the ex's funds to the point that she's done with her too! It will come. Until then....I would just have to get on with my life and ignore her and her kids, I realize you care for her children but, you cannot be around her kids without putting up with her bs, so...you have a choice to make there. What's the worst of the two evils. You and DH need to come to an agreement about giving her money in the future. He will find out if she really loves her dad for the handouts or for being her dad. No one is going to change this girl..she's one of these people that have to hit rock bottom so hard it knocks her brain loose in her head before she WAKES up to real life.
    KellyGirl_TX

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 1:29 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • she may be his daughter, but she is not a kid, she is an adult and it is about time she started acting like one. I do not think you are wrong, and I don't think your husband should expect you to forget all her nastiness in the past. She is a user in ever sense of the word and probably uses her children just as she uses her dad. Do what you can for the kids when you are able to because you have to kind of feel sorry for them due to the fact that their mother is a piece of garbage, but don't go out of your way for his dtr. I wouldn't. I know it makes it difficult but try to do the best you can. I have a step sister that is like this, very selfish and a user and I feel so sorry for her little boy, she surely is not mother material in any sense of the word and with her you can only do so much, she needs to help herself.
    2boysnaprincess

    Answer by 2boysnaprincess at 1:51 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • I wonder what would happen if the gift was something not physical, like a donation to some organization in the child's honor or a savings acct mom has no access to.
    NightOwlMama

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 1:59 PM on Jun. 23, 2011